My first #tbrchallenge — woohoo!
- Title: Free Agent
- Author: Roz Lee
- Series: Mustangs Baseball, #0.5
- Published: State of Mind Publishing, May 2013
- Source: Purchased
- Length: 65 pages
- Tropes: BDSM, Insta-Lust, Insta-Love
- Quick blurb: Star ballplayer hooks up with new sub
- Quick review: *YAWN*
- Grade: D
“If you sign the contract tomorrow, we’ll seal the deal with a good fuck. How’s that?”
Yeesh. It’s a good thing this was a freebie, because it’s got every possible erotica cliché. I annotated every other paragraph with a variation of “Of course.”
- Honey-blonde hair hung in soft waves over bare shoulders, framing fine features, porcelain fair skin, and blue eyes. [Of course.]
- It was as if she saw past his defenses, right to his soul. [As he’s eye-fucking her while she’s fingering herself. Before they’ve even spoken. Because OF COURSE.]
- Brooke licked her lips…. [Of course she did. How else would he know she’s horny?]
- “…say yellow if you need a minute before we continue, red if you can’t take anymore.” [Because we all need BDSM 101 in every.single.book.]
- Glossy pink petals framed a perfectly shaped slit. [Of course it’s perfect. Duh.]
- …the most amazing orgasm of her life. [At their first actual encounter at the dungeon. Of course.]
- He’d claimed a part of her no one else ever had—her heart. [After their first encounter at the dungeon. And they’ve only shared first names. Of course.]
- Now, she understood. The real pleasure came from pleasing her master, not the other way around. [*yawn*]
- ...until he met Brooke, he hadn’t truly understood the submissive partner held as much power—perhaps more—than the dominant one. [*YAWN* Will this be on the quiz?]
Other random thoughts/observations:
- There is zero character- or relationship-building. These people are completely cardboard and interchangeable with every other bad erotica I’ve read.
- Might have been a D+ if not for the pluralizing-with-an-apostrophe egregiousness (“two single Dom’s looking…”) throughout.
- The meet-cute occurs at a munch. Yes, a “munch.” I cannot believe I’ve never come across that term before.
- The contract is “Concise and well written with headings, subheadings, and bullet points.” She wonders if a secretary prepared it for him. [No, really.]
- The word “slurping” is used.
- Secondary character is a sub named Candy. There are dessert jokes.
- The characters contradict themselves ALL THE TIME, sometimes even within the same sentence. “Punishment is not intended to be pleasant” — but then he teases her about being a pain slut and yammers on about how sexy her moans are. “I don’t enjoy leaving those marks” — but, um, dude, YOU’RE A DOM WITH A FLOGGER.
I was hoping for something quick and fun to prep for a Spring Training baseball theme. I’ll keep looking.
A Dream Defiant by Susanna Fraser
- Title: A Dream Defiant
- Author: Susanna Fraser
- Series: N/A
- Genre(s): Historical (Regency)
- Publisher: Carina Press, July 2013
- Source: NetGalley
- Length: ~85 pages
- Trope(s): Forbidden Love, War Heroes and Widows, Family Matters
- Quick blurb: Black soldier delivers spoils of war to new widow and marries her for her protection
- Quick review: Too much story for the short format.
- Grade: B
He caught her hand. “Wait.” He slid his hands to the back of her neck, fumbling for the necklace’s clasp. He undid it and held the chain of rubies up, red and gold in the flickering candlelight. “No shackles for us,” he said, “no matter how rich.”
Loved the characters and premise, and Fraser managed to get a lot of emotion into less than 100 pages. But this story deserves more than a novella to avoid the rushed romance and resolution.
- Title: The Last Gladiatrix
- Author: Eva Scott
- Genre(s): Historical
- Publisher: Escape Publishing (Harlequin Australia), April 2013
- Source: NetGalley
- Length: 77 pages (or maybe 109? it’s a novella anyway)
- Trope(s): Kidnapped Warrior Woman, Studly Centurion, All the Usual Stock Roman Characters, Insta-Lust, Insta-Love
- Quick blurb: Soldier offers to train a comely captive as a gladiatrix to save her from the shame of becoming a courtesan.
- Quick review: Cheese-fest from beginning to end, with a major “Oh, FFS!” moment that killed the entire book.
- Grade: F
The skin at the back of her neck prickled, as if in warning.
Yeah, that quote in the third paragraph should have been my warning of !!!Cliches & Caricatures Ahead!!! But I kept reading because it’s just a novella, how bad could it be? My status updates (below) sum up how bad it got.
I finished it (because I have enough fortitude to finish a damn novella, dammit), but even before the end of the first chapter, a bit of throw-away characterization made me lose all respect for the story and the author. This is our introduction to the general’s villainous aide-de-camp:
Maximus was slender and fine-boned, like a woman. He also possessed a woman’s love of gossip and — if rumours were true — a woman’s love of men. Yet Maximus did not like him, and Titus was happy to return the sentiment.
WHY was this included? It was completely pointless, because this temporary villain appears in only two additional (and very short) scenes. I’m guessing it was an attempt to make the FLAMING EVIL HOMO a glaring opposite of our MANLY AND OBVIOUSLY VERY HETERO AND MASCULINE AND DID WE MENTION MANLY? HERO, because, you know, how else would we grasp the immensity of his heroically heterosexual manliness? But at least the Flaming Evil Homo doesn’t have the hots for our Hero of Heterosexual Masculinity, because that would just be gross.
Badly done, Escape Publishing (an imprint of Harlequin Entrprises Australia). Badly done indeed.
Read With Me Vicariously: Status Updates
- 18% – Cliche + cariacature + insta-lust while chained = I’m not sure if I can finish this…
- 20% – Loins are heating and unnamed forces are compelling…
- 23% – Dream sex. On a bed of soft golden cloud. Fever pitch, waves of sensation, pinnacle of desire, etc.
- 36% – Primeval masculinity, primordial drums, molten ecstasy and synchronized heartbeats.
- 46% – It’s a trap!
- 69% – An “oh, BARF” moment in the middle of the freaking arena. Sheesh.
- 82% – Uh-oh, hero is summoned by the Senator’s wife. I wonder what she wants… *wink wink*
- 82% – “In his experience women, especially high-born Roman woman, were dangerous – more dangerous than a host of Huns.”
- 86% – Senator’s sexy wife is reclining on a bed eating grapes. I shit you not.
- 100% – Plundering lips. The end.
- Title: Making Him Sweat
- Author: Meg Maguire
- Series/Category: Wilinski’s, Book 1 (Blaze)
- Genre(s): Contemporary
- Publisher: Harlequin, February 2013
- Source: NetGalley ($3.82 ebook)
- Length: 224 pages
- Trope(s): Lust in the Workplace, Sweaty Beta Hero, Heroine with Father Issues
- Quick blurb: Aspiring matchmaker inherits estranged father’s boxing/MMA gym
- Quick review: Likeable all the way around, pretty much what I expected for a Harlequin Blaze
- Grade: B
Ten minutes? Ten minutes wasn’t nearly enough time to decide what to do. Then again, ten minutes was plenty of time to change into cuter underwear, and wasn’t that her answer, right there?
It seems like all the contemps I’ve chosen for this binge feature Lust in the Workplace, with the obligatory “This is such a bad idea” pre-sex banter. Fortunately, Maguire is really good at all the out-of-bed banter too, and she threw in some realistic conflict, so this one fulfilled all my expectations of a light and sexy Harlequin Blaze.
And I’m pretty sure I’ll read Prince Richard’s book.
As promised, the highs and lows of Harlequin Historical author Julia Justiss, presented in chronological order (minus the anthologies). Cover images link to Goodreads.
In summary: Justiss does widows, courtesans and angsty heroes really, really well. Her debutantes and rakes, however, are generally just wallpaper.
A word of warning: You can’t have Hal Waterman. He’s MINE.
- Title: The Rake’s Redemption
- Author: Regina Scott
- Series/Category: Everard Legacy, Book 3 (Love Inspired Historical)
- Genre(s): Historical (Regency), Inspirational, Suspense
- Publisher: Harlequin, November 2012
- Source: NetGalley ($3.82 ebook)
- Length: 288 pages
- Trope(s): Annoyingly Perky Heroine, Angsty Emo Hero, Insta-Love, Mistorical, Purple Prose
- Quick blurb: Marquess’s daughter decides a dueling poet is the perfect man to acquire her father’s title.
- Quick review: This wasn’t working for me as a historical, as a suspense, as an inspirational OR as a romance.
- Grade: DNF
It started with the Regency heroine asking an uknown man to dance at a ball. Then we get this:
…she’d wondered whether she’d finally found the suitor she’d been praying for — someone who could help her protect the family name, as her father’s only living child.
And then, during an actual prayer, it got worse.
“Show me the man You mean to help me gain approval to carry on the title of Marquess of Widmore!”
So, yeah. It was like that.
- Title: The Lady Most Willing…: A Novel in Three Parts
- Authors: Julia Quinn, Eloisa James and Connie Brockway
- Series: Lady Most, Book 2
- Genre(s): Historical
- Publisher: Avon, December 2012
- Source: Edelweiss ($5.69 ebook)
- Length: 385 pages
- Trope(s): Insta-Love, Amusing Abuction, Impoverished Rake, Stuffy Duke/Earl (one of each), Red-Headed Smart-Mouthed Scottish Lasses, Surprise Virgin, Loud Laird
- Quick blurb: Drunken laird and his kilted kin kidnap fair maidens as potential brides for his nephews, and accidentally abduct a duke at the same time.
- Quick review: Banal and predictable.
- Grade: D+
Hell was obviously freezing, decrepit and located in the Scottish Highlands.
I loved 2010’s The Lady Most Likely — the balance of stories was great, with one insta-love, one childhood-friends-to-lovers, and one sibling’s-best-friend-from-afar. And more importantly, each couple and their courtship was unique and memorable.
The Lady Most Willing, however…. Blech. Blah. Boring. Four — count ’em FOUR (4) — insta-love quickies with only the barest hint of characterization. The only exception was foul temptress Marilla the Maneater and her Cleavage of Doom, who was so ridiculously vamped up it was almost embarrassing to read.
I considered going with a C- grade, but these are authors who have given us much, much better in the past.