One-Quote Review: One Naughty Girl by Alexx Andria

  • Title: One Naughty Girl
  • Author: Alexx Andria
  • Series: Landry James, Book 1
  • Genre(s): Contemporary, Erotica
  • Publisher: Self-Published, October 2011
  • Source: Amazon, free
  • Quick blurb: What. The. Hell.
  • Grade: F

The black buck noted her quickened breath and the way she reveled in the scene before her.

Yes, a character – a nameless hookup in a sex club – is described as a “black buck.” Since when is something like that considered acceptable??? I refuse to give any links to this insult to real erotica writers.

One-Quote Review: Country Mouse by Amy Lane and Aleksandr Voinov

  • Country Mouse by Amy Lane and Aleksander VoinovTitle: Country Mouse
  • Authors: Amy Lane and Aleksandr Voinov
  • Series: N/A
  • Genre(s): Contemporary, M/M
  • Publisher: Riptide Publishing, April 2012
  • Purchase: Amazon, $4.99
  • Quick blurb: Jaded Brit meets his match in seemingly naive American tourist.
  • Grade: A

“Look at me,” Owen whispered. “Look at me until you can’t anymore.”

Oh. My. God. You real writers are *killing* me. KILLING. ME. The smokin’ hot sex was more than enough, but the train station? Holy SHIT.

Badass by Sable Hunter – The Full Review

Badass by Sable Hunter

  • Title: Badass
  • Author: Sable Hunter
  • Series: Hell Yeah! Book 4
  • Genre(s): Contemporary, Erotica
  • Publisher: Self-Published, March 2012
  • Purchase: I don’t want to link to it, but I suppose I should: Amazon, $4.99 (courtesy of Jane at DearAuthor.com)
  • Tropes: Unrequited Love, Virgin Heroine, Cowboy Alpha Male, Simile Sex, Misogyny
  • Quick blurb: Preacher’s daughter undergoes self-imposed slutification to earn the love of a biker cowboy Dom.
  • Quick review: Not nearly as painful as the last one, but demeaning treatment of female characters is stomach-turning.
  • Grade: D-

All right, so I may have gone overboard with the length of my last review. Smarminess levels were appropriate, but I freely admit I have difficulty shutting myself up sometimes.

To avoid a repeat of that tl:dr trauma, and because I am a Geek and a Nerd and a Dork with NO LIFE, I decided take the opportunity to use a social media site I’ve been dying to try:

Live-Tweeting and Storifying Isaac & Avery’s Story (Hell Yeah! Book 4)

Prologue and Chapter 1
In which preacher’s daughter runs away to Shady Lady Ranch in Nevada for Self-Imposed Slutification under the tutelage of mentors Destiny, Desiree, Roxy and Claret.

Chapter 2
In which Avery Rose and her pink Miss Kitty luggage and sleeping bag arrive back in Kerrville on Harley Sportster. Bar fight, blow job in hotel room, ecstasy, he leaves.

Chapter 3
In which our heroine displays her Shady Lady Stripper Skillz, news of Slutification hits local headlines, deflowering occurs and Isaac shows his true colors as a Manwhore McCoy.

Chapter 4
In which the heroine outs herself as an erotica writer named SABLE HUNTER and then gets a microphone stuck in her mouth.

Chapter 5
In which we enjoy granny panties, Braveheart, bacon and glitter.

Chapter 6
In which we meet villain-bait stock characters, enter our hero’s Secret Basement Sex Dungeon Playroom, push up through the Valley of Delight, rejoice in our heroine’s expanded vocabulary, and get called up to the Big Leagues of Sex. Also, plot moppet puts Sub collar on family dog.

Chapters 7 & 8
In which I attempt to distract myself politics with a hermaphrodite, sex on a mechanical bull, ooey-gooey pumpkin butter cake, some unexpected and inexplicably good writing (!) which segues into abrupt POV change to family dog, yet another kidnapping but this time foiled by family dog, and swelling organs during HEA.

First impressions:

I didn’t hate it. I even LIKED parts of it. I’m in Book Purgatory, actually considering a C- grade. But what if my enthusiasm is merely disguised relief that it wasn’t a CESSPOOL OF CRAP like the last book? I need to think about this.  My worldview has been disrupted. My personal paradigm has shifted. I might need a sabbatical in Kerrville, Texas, to reconnect with my Inner Bitch Goddess.

If my doctor does recommend Cowboy Immersion Therapy, my first shrine of worship will be Hardbodies Bar. If they don’t have Isaac’s black leather Dom hood with the Tebow Rockin’ T ranch brand embossed on the forehead on display, I’m going to be REALLY disappointed.

[Oh, sorry – that was a spoiler. I keep forgetting to despoilerize. You know, because of all the suspense.]

Also, I’m 99 percent sure that me and the mechanical bull should stay far, far apart. But what’s a mental health sabbatical without a visit to the emergency room?

Let’s make it a road trip. You know you want to come with me. No, wait, a bus trip. That way we can drink heavily and let someone else do the driving.

Read the full review at DearAuthor.com

Tripleheader: Mercy Celeste – A, A-, B+

About the author….

Personal blog | Goodreads | Amazon | All Romance eBooks

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Wicked Game

Wicked Game by Mercy CelesteLiquid Silver Publishing, September 2011, $5.95 (now $4.19)

Blurb:

Cass Pendleton and Jaime Dalton have been mortal enemies since the first day of kindergarten when Jaime pulled her hair and Cass knocked him flat on his ass.

Jaime is on the verge of superstardom in the NFL; all that’s missing is a Super Bowl ring and a personal assistant who can handle his business without handling his business.

Cass seems to be the best person for the job. She’s smart, mouthy, dependable, pig-headed, loyal, and completely not his type. So why can’t Jaime think of anything except Cass?

He knows one thing for dead certain. If the game doesn’t kill him, sex with Cass Pendleton most definitely will.

Favorite quote:

“You aren’t man enough to try that, Mr. Dalton.” Wrong move. Oh Jesus Christ, she knew to the very millisecond when Jaime Dalton decided to accept her challenge. All she could hope for now was to make it up the stairs and into her room before he could…. “Oh, fuck.”

Fangirl squee:

Frenemies-to-lovers plot, a bit of angst, a bit of suspense, some pain (wanted and unwanted), a lot of smartassitude, a lot of hot sex and an HEA. Just go ahead and push all my buttons, why don’t you?

Grade: A

Find it: Goodreads | Liquid Silver Books | Amazon | All Romance ebooks

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Behind Iron Lace

Behind Iron Lace by Mercy CelesteSilver Publishing, October 2011, $4.99

Blurb:

Darcy Butler is a fish out of water and is suffocating in the humid New Orleans heat. Dissatisfied with his career, his life, he is homesick and heartbroken. Above all Darcy is straight. Or so he believes until he meets the drop-dead gorgeous photographer he wants to revamp the art department of his e-magazine.

Caleb Mitchell, bad boy extraordinaire, lives life on the edge. He’s been around the world covering murder and mayhem. Back in New Orleans to tend his dying mother, Caleb is worn down by grief. He seeks the diversion of working at a local e-magazine to help keep him sane. He doesn’t expect the instant attraction to the bright-eyed editor/owner. That Darcy is probably straight doesn’t matter to Caleb. Because when Caleb wants something, nothing will stand in his way.

Not even Darcy.

Favorite quote:

Shit, he didn’t want to feel this way. As if he were floating on air and drowning at the same time. As if he didn’t take everything Darcy had to give and take it now, he’d somehow never get the chance. This need for the man scared him. His body screamed for him, all of him, now. He wasn’t prepared.

Fangirl squee:

Unforgettable story and characters, in a steamy New Orleans setting that plays a big role in the heroes’ relationship. I’ve read this at least five times.

Grade: A-

Find it: Goodreads | Silver Publishing | Amazon | All Romance eBooks

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The 51st Thursday

The 51st Thursday by Mercy CelesteSelf-published, January 2012, $2.99

The blurb:

Shelby Bainbridge, former championship winning quarterback and son of an Alabama Senator with presidential aspirations, lost everything one Thursday night fifty-two weeks ago. Lost, alone, battered, and broken Shelby finds comfort in the local bar called Deacon’s Place. Week after week, he finds himself drawn to Deacon’s for the beer, for the atmosphere, for the solace and for Deacon himself.

Deacon can no longer deny the desire he feels for the man he calls Thursday. When Deacon wants something Deacon is a hard man to resist. The problem is, Deacon never planned to lose his heart. Especially to a man who could be destroyed by an unexpected night of forbidden passion.

Favorite quote:

“…I just came to a complete fucking halt. Except for here. I came here every Thursday because I craved this place. I craved your company even if you never knew it. Then I caught you watching me. Something curled inside me, sort of liquidy warm and scary as hell.”

Fangirl squee:

Another steamy Gulf Coast setting, this time during a hurricane that forces our heroes together. I’d love to see this short story get a full-length novel treatment, because I really want to learn more about their backstories and the impact of Shelby’s coming out.

Grade: B+

Find it: Goodreads | Amazon | All Romance eBooks

Oh Dear God: Red Knight Rising by Alex Ironrod

An Open Letter to MLR Press:

Red Knight Rising by Alex Ironrod

Dear MLR Press:

(A) I will pay NINE DOLLARS for this only if you PROMISE to use my profits to hire someone who knows how to use use Photoshop. That is one of the WORST covers I have seen in a long time. I’d blame it on the designer, but I think the real punishment should be administered to the editor who approved that freakish mess of crap.

(B) Alex Ironrod. Ironrod. Alex IRONROD. Really? Are you trying to insult us?

Then again, after reading the blurb and the excerpt, maybe you are.

Good luck with that.

Thanks but no thanks,

Kelly


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