The Pianist in the Dark by Michele Halberstadt

• Title: The Pianist in the Dark
• Author: Michele Halberstadt
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Pegasus Books, July 2011
• Source: Purchased*
• Length: 150 pages
• Trope(s): Musician, Physician, Disability, Overbearing Aristocratic Parents, Good and Faithful Servant
• Quick blurb: Celebrity physician attempts to cure virtuoso pianist of blindness.
• Quick review: So much potential, so much disappointment.
• Grade: D+

It was imperative that, upon being introduced to her, he be seized by sudden inspiration.

The Pianist in the Dark is based on the true story of 17-year-old virtuoso Maria Theresia von Paradis, the only child of a high-ranking Austrian diplomat. Maria Theresia has been blind since the age of three, and while she’s made a name for herself as a musician in music-mad 1770s Vienna, her father has subjected her to endless painful and humiliating treatments to restore her sight.

When famed physician Franz Mesmer — he of the “magnetism cure” for anxieties, neuroses, epilepsy and other “nervous disorders” — offers his services, Maria Theresia’s father agrees and send her off to live at Mesmer’s house/hospital.

One-Quote Reviews: Strangers on a Train

I’d go with an “All Aboard!” intro, but that would be too cheesy even for me. Beware of CAPSLOCK OF RAGE and FANGIRL SQUEE (not in the same story, thank god.)

<whining>

Before we get to the good stuff, a brief plea to Samhain Publishing: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FIX YOUR EBOOK FORMATTING. The default 6pt font and forced sans serif is beyond annoying — it makes me cringe every time I open a recent Samhain title. I’m willing to put up with it for trusted authors, but it is a definite barrier to trying new ones.

</whining>

Naughty Norsemen: Kiss of Pride by Sandra Hill

• Title: Kiss of Pride
• Author: Sandra Hill
• Series: Deadly Angels, Book 1
• Genre(s): Contemporary, PNR
• Publisher: Avon, April 2012
• Source: Public library ($4.74 ebook)
• Length: 309 pages
• Trope(s): Vikings!
• Quick blurb: Vikings! Vampires! Angels! Time Travel! Satan’s Minions Host a Sin Cruise! Home Improvement!
• Quick review: An utterly goofy and stupidly entertaining read.
• Grade: A-

“Oh my God! It has a halo.”

He jerked to a sitting position and glanced down to his cockstand, which resembled a fat standing candle sitting in a circle of light. Breathing a sigh of relief…he said, “That’s not a halo. It’s just the moon hitting off that round mirror over there and reflecting back here.”

“If you say so.” She was clearly unconvinced. “I think it’s kind of cute, that you would have a halo around your penis.”

Cute? A man does not want his cock to be cute. “It is not a halo.”

She leaned forward to study it closer. “Let’s see if you taste holy.”

HOLY CRAP, this was fun. ALL CAPS FUN, I TELL YOU.

More Naughty Norsemen: The Bodice-Ripping Era

For round two of our romp through Viking romance, we’ll focus on three vintage titles from the beloved old-skool era of Forced Seduction, Logic Fail and General WTFery.

I didn’t finish any of these — I dragged myself through the first half of each, but couldn’t find any reason to finish.

We’ll start with the least painful and save the vomit-worthy one for last.

Naughty Norsemen: Going a-Viking in Romancelandia – Part 1

We’ll subtitle this post….

The maiden voyage

As part of my Haul of Half-Off Harlequins, I wound up with two Viking romances, chosen primarily for the snark value. Unfortunately, both were actually pretty good.

But, of course, these books kicked off a Viking-theme book binge, which dredged up one ridiculously fun PNR mashup, several “meh” examples, and one so-called “classic” that left me cringing.

Before we set sail, I must admit I know fuck-all about actual Vikings or Norse mythology. I did learn that the proper homage to Thor for a successful pillage was a goat sacrifice, and you know how I feel about goats.

ANYWAY, it’s time to put on our pointy-horned hats and go raiding.

Along Came Trouble by Ruthie Knox

• Title: Along Came Trouble
• Author: Ruthie Knox
• Series: Camelot, Book 2
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Loveswept, February 2013
• Source: NetGalley ($2.99 ebook)
• Length: 121 pages
• Trope(s): Uptight Single Mother, Ex-Army Hero, Insta-Lust, Evil Ex,  Big Misunderstandings
• Quick blurb: A single mother’s tightly-ordered life is disrupted when her pop-star brother insists on assigning her a security guard.
• Quick review: More great characterization and smoking-hot chemistry, but the short timeframe and small-town antics got in the way of the relationship-building.
• Grade: B

Get a grip, she told herself, but her libido had no claws, and the situation was slippery — a bizarre combination of socially awkward and inconveniently arousing.

So. I first attempted just a One-Quote Review because I’m lazy, but this book made me have THOUGHTS. And FEELINGS.

One-Quote Review: How to Misbehave by Ruthie Knox

• Title: How to Misbehave
• Author: Ruthie Knox
• Series: Camelot, Book 1
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Loveswept, January 2013
• Source: NetGalley (99¢ ebook)
• Length: 121 pages
• Trope(s): Inexperienced Heroine, Angsty Hero, Trapped by a Storm
• Quick blurb: Quiet community center director makes the most of an unexpected entrapment with a  local construction contractor.
• Quick review: An amazing amount of characterization in only 100 pages. Also, hot storm sex.
• Grade: A

Not like a cudgel at all. Like…wanting, if it had a shape.

Yes, I’m giving Knox YET ANOTHER “A” GRADE. I’m a fangirl. Just shut up and read this, it’s wonderful.

One-Quote Review: Selling Out by Amber Lin

• Title: Selling Out
• Author: Amber Lin
• Series: Lost Girls, Book 2
• Genre(s): Contemporary, Suspense
• Publisher: Loose Id, February 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author ($7.99 ebook)
• Length: 315 pages
• Trope(s): Crusty Cop, Hooker with a Heart of Gold, Family Drama
• Quick blurb:  A jaded call girl feels compelled to save a naive young runaway — and an enigmatic cop is trying to protect them both.
• Quick review: The frenetic opening almost left me behind, but when I finally caught up, the intense atmosphere and complex characters had me hooked.
• Grade: B

He was more deserving of love than anybody I had ever known, but it wasn’t even relevant to how I felt about him. Love wasn’t a choice, it was an accident. Not a climb, but a fall. I had slipped somewhere along my prickly path and down, down to the murky depths, hurtling ever farther, ever faster, and the only question was whether he would meet me at the bottom.

I probably should have read the first book in the series again before starting this one, because I felt more than a little bewildered during the first few chapters. But then Officer Luke showed up, and GOOD LORD.

And just as Lin captured the despair and hope of a struggling single mother in Giving It Up, the call girl main character here is anything but cookie-cutter. Shelly is bitchy and vulnerable and probably the most complex prostitute I’ve ever read in a contemporary.