- Title: Her Magic Touch
- Author: Sable Hunter
- Series: Hell Yeah! Book 3
- Genre(s): Contemporary, Erotica
- Publisher: Self-Published, October 2011
- Purchase: Amazon, $4.99 (YES, I paid $ for it)
- Tropes: Insta-Love, Virgin Heroine, Cowboy Alpha Male, TSTL, Simile Sex
- Quick blurb:Misogynistic daredevil asshole, paralyzed in a motocross accident, hires ugly voodoo priestess, who doesn’t know she’s really a guardian angel, to restore his manhood. Also, celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse makes a cameo appearance.
- Quick review: Continuing Adventures in Epic Assholery and Virgin Sacrifice: In Which Sable Hunter Mistakes Misogyny for Romance
- Grade: F
NOTE: I’m deleting the separate posts with my “read along” status updates because I was lazy and copy/pasted them into the full review…. And because I figured I should try to contain all the bitchiness within a smaller blogographical area. I’m leaving the Bad Sex roundup intact.
At the end of the Hell Yeah! Book 2 review, I mentioned that a few glimpses of the main characters of Book 3 made me cautiously optimistic that we would finally get a grown-up female worthy of being called a “heroine.”
I was wrong. So very, very wrong.
I also bitched and whined about the misogyny in the previous book, but Oh. Dear. God.
This was worse.
Therefore, I’m subtitling this review:
Continuing Adventures In Epic Assholery And Virgin Sacrifice: A Misogyny Manifesto
NOTE: For the purposes of this review, I’m defining “misogyny” as:
- Infantilizing or otherwise demeaning and marginalizing women;
- Inferring or stating outright that life without a man is not worth living;
- Demonstrating double standards regarding male and female sexuality (e.g., manwhores rewarded with virgins);
- Depicting assertive female characters as sluts;
- Referring to female characters as “fresh meat”;
- Repeatedly comparing female characters to abused or abandoned animals; AND/OR
- Depicting a woman in premature labor serving coffee and doughnuts to lazy-ass men who are perfectly capable of getting the fucking coffee themselves.
It can be a little confusing, so here’s a handy dandy flowchart. Also available in printer-friendly PDF. It’s even color-coded for extra impressiveness! (Yes, I have a day job. Shut up and keep reading, and stop picking on me because I worked really hard on this and now you’re hurting my feelings.)
But wait, there’s more! In addition to the character inconsistencies, eye-rolling “coincidences” and inane detail we’ve come to expect, we also get a whole muddle of unnecessary paranormal nonsense – all of which completely distracted me from the Bad Sex. And of course that just sucked all the fun right out of this, officially making it the Absolute Worst Book I Have Ever Read.
(No, I have not read The Book That Shall Not Be Named, because I refuse to pay $10 for a crappy self-pubbed ebook. I only budget $5 for that sort of thing.)
Let’s get this over with – I need to cleanse my brain with… Something. Anything.
WARNING: This review/diatribe contains irrelevant analogies, bad sports metaphors, gratuitous musical interludes, self-indulgent run-on sentences (heh) and buckets of righteous indignation (it’s a manifesto, duh), with definite overtones of Mean Girl. It’s also very long, so I hope you brought snacks.