Book Anxiety, Part 1: A Spear of Summer Grass by Deanna Raybourn

• Title: A Spear of Summer Grass
• Author: Deanna Raybourn
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Harlequin (MIRA), April 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 384 pages
• Trope(s): Bad Girl with a Heart of Gold and Hidden Depths, Enigmatic Loner Hero, Colorful Cast of Supporting Characters, Very Convenient Coincidences
• Quick blurb: Disgraced socialite exiled to stepfather’s crumbling estate in 1920s colonial Kenya
• Quick review: After much pre-reading anxiety and post-reading obsessing, it didn’t work for me — but for more reasons than I expected.
• Grade: D+

“For Christ’s sake, woman. Don’t stand there mooning about. This is Africa. Go inside before something eats you.”

I’m a huge fan of Raybourn’s Julia Grey mystery series (countless re-reads, book trance every single time), so when I saw the cover and blurb for A Spear of Summer Grass, I sighed happily and thought, “Ohhhhh, she wrote a new one just for me.”

So why the Book Anxiety? It started with the usual “She’s one of my favorite authors, what if I don’t like it???” I sucked it up and made it through the two chapters with an initial dislike for the heroine, but no major red flags – so far, so good.

But then a quick glance at a few reviews – “horrible” and “DNF” from The Book Smugglers and the enlightening discussion at Dear Author – sent me flailing into the worst-case scenario of “What if I like it – but I shouldn’t???” So I moved it from currently-reading back to the to-read shelf and let the anxiety fester. For weeks.

I started reading again last night, and finished this morning around 3 a.m. It was a one-sitting read, but not a full-on blissful book trance. Instead of wallowing in the language and characters, I could not stop myself from focusing on all the elements that were so problematic for other reviewers.

Yes, this book does romanticize colonial Kenya – I don’t think there’s really any room for debate about it. Raybourn makes a valiant effort at providing context and addressing those concerns through dialogue with secondary characters, but those exchanges were forced and awkward, with a distinct “pay attention, this is important” vibe. I cringe to think of this story told in third person, because the first-person POV was the only thing that saved this story from a DNF. I couldn’t overlook bits like “his slender chest swelled with pride,” but experiencing them through Delilah’s privileged self-centeredness made them more palatable. Until, that is, the cringe-worthy and completely unnecessary Return of the Conquering Heroine scene. Ugh.

I’m not going to focus on the romance, because there wasn’t much of it. There’s very little relationship-building, and the Love at First Lion Killing moment arrived exactly as expected. Without his prequel novella, J. Ryder White would be a throw-away love interest.

This book is all about Delilah, and she’s a compelling and memorable character. She’s also too perfectly surprisingly suited for her unwanted role as Mistress of the Manor. Before even arriving in Africa, she’s already acquainted with or familiar with nearly all of her new white neighbors — including a former lover. The locals show up on her porch for her White Lady Magical Healing Powers, and we learn she was a volunteer surgical nurse during the Great War. She confronts the Evil Overseer, and we learn she spent her childhood summers on a Louisiana sugar plantation under the tutelage of her invincible great-grandmother. Her encounters with the obligatory “witch doctor” character reveal her innate Creole mysticism. And her ex-husband (one of several) just happens to be a high-powered attorney who’s willing to abandon his new family to travel for weeks to rescue her once again. The Very Convenient Coincidences just kept piling up.

Also…

• I hated the way Delilah treated her poor-relation cousin/lady’s maid.
• “Circle of Life” played on repeat in my head during Ryder’s impassioned “everything back into balance” speech.
• Helen is the colonial version of Lindsey Duncan’s deluded aging beauty character from Under the Tuscan Sun.

Therefore, the Book Anxiety wins this round.

However… Raybourn took a huge risk in writing this book. She deliberately chose a no-win historical setting and gave us an unapologetically sexually active heroine – nearly an anti-heroine – who shoots straight (literally and figuratively). This is no Romance-O-Matic Regency, and despite my disappointment, I want more like this.

Backlist Binge: Sophia James

This took me longer than I thought, because I wound up doing a full re-read of one, and I had to buy and read the newest because it finished off a series.

So… Here are the highs and lows of Harlequin Historical author Sophia James, presented in chronological order (minus the anthologies). Cover images link to Goodreads.

In summary: James is on the dark and angsty edge of Harlequin Historicals — her characters are complex and conflicted, and when she stays away from rakes and pirates, her storytelling skills are memorable. But it’s hit or miss whether all the pieces and parts coalesce enough to suck me into a full-on book trance.

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Fallen Angel (2005)

“He’s the problem, don’t you see? I can’t love him and I can’t not love him, and he won’t let me stand up any place in between.”

The happy couple….

Nicholas Pencarrow is the Duke of Westbourne. Brenna Stanhope is the mysterious young woman who saves his life and then disappears.

The set-up….

The duke relentlessly tracks down his rescuer, and when he finds her managing a London orphanage, he refuses to take no for an answer.

The conflicts….

Brenna has a Tragic Past. The duke won’t take no for an answer.

The romance….

During the first two-thirds of the book, Nicholas is a typical infatuated rake, and Brenna falls for his charms. But then for some unknown reason, he crosses the line into stalking and obsession.

The recommendation….

The hero veering off into alphahole territory derailed what could have been a really good debut.

Grade: C-

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Masquerading Mistress (2007)

One night. All night. The clouds and the moon and the darkness rolled into one and the clenching want made her shake, made her sweat, made her say his name in the wildness of passion.

The happy couple….

Thornton Lindsay is a scarred, reclusive war hero – and also a Reluctant Duke. Caroline Anstretton is a desperate runaway who tells a London ballroom that the duke is her lover.

The set-up….

When the duke hears of Caroline’s outrageous claim, he propositions her, and naturally she accepts, gets pregnant and runs away again.

The conflicts….

Caroline has a Tragic Past, and she’s also trying to keep her younger brother away from the gaming hells. The duke is a grumpy loner who’s mistrustful of everyone.

The romance….

There’s chemistry, but unfortunately our happy couple is separated for much of the book – and when they’re finally reunited, some rather strange war-related intrigue gets the duke all mistrustful again. Fortunately, the Revealing of the Tragic Past works its usual wonders and all is forgiven.

The recommendation….

Better pacing and characterization than Fallen Angel, but the unnecessary suspense stuff relies on more than a few Very Convenient Coincidences.

Grade: C+

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Ashblane’s Lady (2007)

He was not gentle and she was glad. His lips met hers in a searing, blistering explosion of lust, weeks of wanting sandwiched between this very moment and a future stretching only into difficulty.

The happy couple….

Alexander Ullyot is a Scottish warlord. Lady Madeleine, aka The Black Widow, is his enemy’s sister.

The set-up….

He takes her hostage. She’s tall and has fiery red hair. You do the math.

The conflicts….

See “set-up” above.

The romance….

It’s all about the fiery red hair. And the witchcraft thing.

The recommendation….

Despite the snarkage, this isn’t bad — just an enjoyable Highland romance with a bit of light magic thrown in.

Grade: B-

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High Seas to High Society (2007)

The Wellinghams, Book 1

She was cold and he warmed her. She was hot and he cooled her. He was of her and she was of him and there seemed no place that they were separate or solitary in the heady secrets of the flesh.

The happy couple….

Asher Wellingham is the Duke of Carisbrook. Emma Seaton is a lady — or is she???

The set-up….

He sees her swimming naked in a cove. You do the math.

The conflicts….

Pirates.

The romance….

In between all the piratical plot shenanigans, there’s some pretty good chemistry.

The recommendation….

Kind of all over the place story-wise, but I re-read it solely for the backstory of the duke’s younger brother Taris (see below).

Grade: B-

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Mistletoe Magic (2009)

A maid came in with a large unruly bunch of orange flowers and her breath was caught. ‘Is there a card?’

‘Indeed, miss, there is.’ The maid broke the envelope away from a string that kept it joined to the bouquet, speculation unhidden in the lines of her face.

‘That will be all, thank you,’ Lillian said, waiting until the door was shut before she slit open the card.

I FELT SOMETHING.

The words were in bold capitals with no name attached.

The happy couple….

Lucas Clairmont is a brawny and brawly American in London. Lillian Davenport is a near-spinster revered by the ton as “a paragon of good sense, good taste and good comportment.”

The set-up….

Lillian has a Christmas deadline to bring a man up to scratch, or she will be forced to marry the “eminently sensible, infinitely suitable,” suitor her father has chosen. Just as she’s losing hope, she overhears Lucas threaten to kill her cousin — but before she can sneak away, he makes eye contact and gives her a “licentious and untrammelled” wink.

The conflicts….

Lucas is in England to settle the affairs of his adulterous late wife, and he learns that two nieces he’s never met are now his wards. Lillian’s father is pushing her towards a “safe” husband because his own marriage was volatile and unhappy.

The romance….

The orange flowers. Ohhhhhhh, the orange flowers.

The recommendation….

Yeah, I FELT SOMETHING too. *ahem*

Grade: B+

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The Border Lord (2009)

They did not speak afterwards, each locked in a silence that was their own, a thin and tenuous bond against the secrets that would divide them.

The happy couple….

Lady Grace Stanton is a political prize, but she’s less than a beauty. Lachlan Kerr is the reluctant laird of a neighboring clan.

The set-up….

Arriving a week late for the ceremony, Lachlan takes his late brother’s place as groom within an hour of meeting his plain, stammering bride.

The conflicts….

Lachlan is still bitter and deeply distrustful over the betrayals of his late wife and his late brother, and his pride flares against Grace’s unexpected stubbornness, outspokenness and sense of honor. Meanwhile, he ignores the machinations of his jealous ex-mistress, who turns the clan against the new lady of the manor by blaming Grace for every illness, injury and accident. Also, the dead brother might not be dead.

The romance….

They’re great together in the bedroom, but out in the cold, hard keep, it’s a slow buildup from resentment to grudging respect to fierce loyalty to love.

NOTE: There is a brief bit of infidelity, but nothing comes of it (heh).

The recommendation….

It’s a bit heavy with the political and family intrigue, but it’s satisfying to watch Grace become a strong and vibrant heroine.

Grade: B

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One Unashamed Night (2010)

The Wellinghams, Book 2

When he stretched out and groaned she felt the control of a woman with power. Feminine power, the feeling unlike any she had ever experienced.

She did not feel guilty as Frankwell had said that she must, she did not feel sullied or soiled or befouled. Nay, she felt the sheer and utter wonder of it, the bewildering rarity of rightness.

Here. With Taris Wellingham. For this one storm-snowed freezing night.

‘Thank you.’ The words slipped out without recognition as to what she had said. A beholden contentment that broke through all that she had believed of herself or all that a husband steeped in damning religion had believed. In just one touch Frankwell’s hold on the tenure of her moral pureness was gone, replaced simply by comprehension and relief.

She smiled as his fingers began to unlace her bodice and the thin lawn fell away.

The happy couple….

Taris Wellingham, once popular and outgoing, is now a virtual recluse because of his worsening blindness. Newly-widowed Beatrice-Maude Bassingstoke is moving to London to explore her hard-won independence.

The set-up….

When the public coach they’re traveling in crashes into a ditch during a blizzard, Taris and Bea wind up spending the night together (wink, wink) in a barn.

The conflicts….

Beatrice-Maude is not a beauty, and she’s recovering from the horrors of an abusive marriage. Taris is a bit touchy about his blindness – to the point of preferring that people believe he’s a stumbling drunk.

The romance….

Their titular one-night stand in the barn is soooo good, and their relationship evolves to the much-deserved happy ending in a believable and completely swoon-worthy way.

The recommendation….

Oh lordy, I love this book.

Grade: A

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One Illicit Night (2011)

The Wellinghams, Book 3

Watching a dam break in the circle of flesh, tipping into utter need, his grip tightening in her hair as an anchor, no breath or ease or quiet exploration. Only five years of apartness and ten thousand hours of regret.

The happy couple….

Third son Cristo Wellingham is the black sheep of the family, finally returning to England after a lengthy, mysterious absence. Eleanor Westbury is the young countess of a much older earl.

The set-up….

Five years before the main action, a disguised-as-a-prostitute Eleanor attempts to deliver an all-important letter to a disguised-as-a-degenerate-but-really-a-spy Christo in the Chateau of Ill Repute where he lives, but she wakes up drugged and naked in his bed.

The conflicts….

He fled England because of some youthful wildness, and when he returns, he has to earn the trust of his estranged family. She winds up pregnant from their one-night stand and is desperate to protect their daughter and her dying husband from scandal.

The romance….

The initial not-meet-cute is more than a bit squicky, but when they’re reunited in London five years later, their attraction is palpable and affecting because they’re both too honorable to betray her kindly, protective husband.

The recommendation….

I had to do a full re-read because I couldn’t recall anything beyond the titular encounter, and it wasn’t very satisfying. This story has some serious pacing problems, with a Total Drama Moment happening much too early and resolving much too quickly. Even worse, the all-important letter that Eleanor risks her life to deliver in the proloque — involving the death of her brother at Christo’s hands — is a huge, gaping plot hole that is never addressed again.

Grade: C-

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The Dissolute Duke (2013)

The Wellinghams, Book 4

Lust ignited, an incendiary living torch of need burning bright, like the wick of gunpowder snaking down through his being. Unstoppable.

The happy couple….

Youngest sibling Lady Lucinda Wellingham is a careless flirt who relies on her three older brothers to rescue her from various “scrapes.” Taylen Ellesmere is an Impoverished Duke of Ill Repute with “numerous and shocking depravities” to his name.

The set-up….

Lucinda gets talked into crashing one of Ellesmere’s notorious house parties, and attempts to hide in his bedroom to escape a drunken horde. The duke, wearing nothing but spectacles, decides she’s more fun than reading Machiavelli while his houseguests debauch themselves.

The conflicts….

After a near-fatal carriage accident, amnesiac Lucinda accuses Ellesmere of ruining her. The duke gets the crap beaten out of him by her brothers, takes their bribe to marry her and then flees to America. He returns three years later to claim his bride and sire an heir, and she’s more than a little reluctant to acquiesce.

The romance….

He’s blinded by her sensuous innocence, her lady parts tingle when they touch, blah, blah, blah.

The recommendation….

Again, some serious pacing problems. But even worse, there is nothing new or different about this “ruined by a rake” story. It’s a boring, predictable Regency that only perpetuates the “historicals are dead” genre drama.

Grade: D+

One-Quote Review: Lady with the Devil’s Scar by Sophia James

Yes, I’m still here. I have a boatload of reviews in the backlog, so be prepared for a influx of One-Quote Wonders.

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• Title: Lady with the Devil’s Scar
• Author: Sophia James
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Harlequin, August 2012
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 288 pages
• Trope(s): Scarred Heroine, Illegitimate Loner Hero, Vengeful King
• Quick blurb: Daughter of infamous Highland rebel fights and flirts with French mercenary sent to destroy her castle.
• Quick review: Strong characters and good historical world-building, but not something I’ll read again.
• Grade: B-

He kissed like a warrior would, taking what he needed without discourse to the properness of society, her timid answer pushed away into sheer and blazing want.

Sophia James, along with Julia Justiss and Elizabeth Rolls, was one of my “gateway” Harlequin Historical authors – I glommed her entire backlist when I first got my Kindle.

James is one of those authors that I enjoy, but not enough to rave about, and Lady With the Devil’s Scar fits right in that middle territory – I liked it, but not enough to displace any of my favorites.

Coming up next: The Sophia James Backlist Binge….

Naughty Norsemen: Going a-Viking in Romancelandia – Part 1

We’ll subtitle this post….

The maiden voyage

As part of my Haul of Half-Off Harlequins, I wound up with two Viking romances, chosen primarily for the snark value. Unfortunately, both were actually pretty good.

But, of course, these books kicked off a Viking-theme book binge, which dredged up one ridiculously fun PNR mashup, several “meh” examples, and one so-called “classic” that left me cringing.

Before we set sail, I must admit I know fuck-all about actual Vikings or Norse mythology. I did learn that the proper homage to Thor for a successful pillage was a goat sacrifice, and you know how I feel about goats.

ANYWAY, it’s time to put on our pointy-horned hats and go raiding.

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Warriors in Winter by Michelle Willingham

• Title: Warriors in Winter
• Author: Michelle Willingham
• Series/Category: MacEagan Brothers, Book 7 (Harlequin Historical)
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Harlequin, December 2012
• Source: Harlequin.com ($4.79 ebook)
• Length: 288 pages
• Trope(s): Vikings
• Quick blurb: Vikings! Revenge! Blindness! Plot Moppets! Sacrifice!
• Quick review: Almost forgettable, but I liked the focus on the strong heroines.
• Grade: B-

“You must choose, Brianna. Between vengeance and death…or marriage and life.”

This was a good choice for my maiden voyage into Viking romance — short and enjoyable fluff, with heroines that didn’t make me want to do unspeakable things to my Kindle.

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Ice Maiden by Debra Lee Brown

• Title: Ice Maiden
• Author: Debra Lee Brown
• Series/Category: Harlequin Historical
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Harlequin, Febuary 2001
• Source: Harlequin.com ($4.79 ebook)
• Length: 304 pages
• Trope(s): Vikings! Shipwrecks! Kidnappings! Big Misunderstandings!
• Quick blurb: Shipwrecked Scottish chieftain is forced to marry Viking princess so she can obtain her dowry to ransom her brother.
• Quick review: An interesting trope-twister with the hero being held captive by a tall, muscular, grumpy heroine.
• Grade: B-

Frigid. Authoritative. Mercenary. All a man could want in a bride.

I appreciated the kickass heroine and the gender reversal of the plot much more after reaching the next stops on the Viking Voyage (more on that dreck coming soon….).

Backlist Binge: Julia Justiss

As promised, the highs and lows of Harlequin Historical author Julia Justiss, presented in chronological order (minus the anthologies). Cover images link to Goodreads.

In summary: Justiss does widows, courtesans and angsty heroes really, really well. Her debutantes and rakes, however, are generally just wallpaper.

A word of warning: You can’t have Hal Waterman. He’s MINE.

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The Wedding Gamble (1999)

“Marriage to the
marquess was a risk!”

The happy couple….

Sarah Wellingford is the eldest sister of a family impoverished by their late father’s gambling. Nicholas Stanhope, Marquess of Englemere, is engaged to Sarah’s wild-child best friend.

The set-up….

After Englemere’s fiancee throws the ring at him one too many times, Sarah steps in to smooth things over. Her calm demeanor and family sob story impress him so much that he offers a marriage of convenience to help her save her family’s estate.

The conflicts….

The conflict alluded to in the title is Sarah’s understandable reluctance to marry a man who recouped his family’s fortune at the gaming tables. But the real drama arises later in the story when Sarah’s Long-Lost Love reappears, and the Evil Baron who attempted to blackmail her into marriage stages revenge.

The romance….

The marriage of convenience trope is done really, really well in the first third of the book, and the last third has some very strong scenes involving the Lost Love and the Evil Baron. But the middle drags with too many forced Big Misunderstandings in the early days of their marriage.

The recommendation….

Despite the pacing problems, this is a memorable and well-written Regency, and it’s a must-read as a starting point for Justiss’ backlist.

Grade: B

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A Scandalous Proposal (2000)

The happy couple….

Emily Spencer is a struggling soldier’s widow trying to make a life as a London milliner. Evan Mansfield is the slightly rakish but honorable Earl of Cheverley.

The set-up

The earl is stunned stupid by Emily’s beauty when he accompanies his mother to the shop, but he soon comes to her rescue when she’s accosted by ruffian attempting extortion. After some angstifying, she decides to show him just how thankful she is.

The conflicts….

Evan is quietly jealous of Emily’s war-hero late husband, but that’s nothing compared to the Secret Son she’s hiding from her Evil Father-In-Law.

The romance….

The initial chemistry between Emily and Evan makes their affair seem inevitable, but Justiss gives equal focus on the relationship-building that turns their insta-lust into an emotional, messy love.

The recommendation….

The only thing that keeps this from being an A grade is the fairy-tale-ish resolution, in which our shopkeeper heroine is revealed to be Of Noble Birth and is Restored to Her Proper Place in Society – a trope that always seems like a cop-out to suddenly achieve the equality they need to get married.

Grade: B+

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The Proper Wife (2001)

Series: The Wellingfords, Book 2

The happy couple….

Clarissa Beaumont is the wild-child ex-fiancee of the Marquess of Englemere, hero of the first book in the series. Colonel St. John (aka Sinjin) Sandiford is the Long-Lost Love of Lady Sarah, heroine of the first book in the series.

The set-up….

When Sinjin returns from war, his first objective is to find a wife with the same serene personality as his first love. Instead, he finds himself fighting his overwhelming attraction to rowdy Lady Clarissa.

The conflicts….

Clarissa’s recklessness puts Sinjin’s protective instincts into overdrive, and she chafes at his constant reminders of her lack of propriety. A rather unexpected bit of melodrama involving a jilted suitor pops up towards the end of the book.

The romance….

A true enemies-to-lovers relationship, with a lot of steamy mental lusting and behind-the-garden-hedges smooching.

The recommendation….

Clarissa comes *thisclose* to being TSTL by accepting a wager in the beginning of the book – but KEEP READING. Justiss allows her to evolve from a hoyden into worthy heroine.

Grade: B

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My Lady’s Trust (2002)

Series: The Spymaster, Book 1

The happy couple….

Laura Martin is a local healer who lives a solitary life to keep her Secret Past a secret. Hugh “Beau” Bradsleigh, Earl of Beaulieu, is a sometime-spy known as “The Puzzlebreaker” for his skills with mathematical proofs and traitor-hunting.

The set-up….

When his younger brother is accidentally shot while hunting with friends, the earl is immediately intrigued by the mysterious nurse who refuses to answer his questions.

The conflicts….

Laura has a truly compelling reason for her disguise and deceptions, but Beau’s need to solve her problems leads her into greater danger.

The romance….

Beau slowly earns Laura’s trust (hence the title), and when they finally get to the good stuff, the imminent Black Moment makes it even sweeter and angstier.

The recommendation….

Although the supposedly brilliant earl has a MAJOR fuck-up moment, he grovels appropriately and redeems himself heroically – and Laura is a truly memorable heroine.

Grade: B+

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My Lady’s Pleasure (2002)

Series: The Spymaster, Book 2

The happy couple….

Valeria Arnold is a soldier’s widow struggling to keep her late husband’s small estate running while fending off her neighbor’s ambitious mother. Teagan Fitzwilliams is a half-Irish gambler who’s been disowned by his aristocratic family.

The set-up….

Although she’s a widow, Valeria is a virgin – until Teagan shows up on her property while escaping a raunchy party at a nearby hunting box. They’re unexpectedly reunited at a ball in London where, thanks to her late husband’s cranky grandmother, Valeria is making her very belated come-out.

The conflicts….

They both want more than friendship, but she must respect her dying patron’s wishes and he believes himself to be unworthy. A quiet but determined alternate suitor appears at opportune moments to make our unhappy couple rethink their lusty thoughts.

The romance….

The virginal widowed heroine seduces the reluctant rakish hero. And the sexy times are indeed very pleasurable. Need I say more?

The recommendation….

I originally gave this a B, but after re-reading I realized how unique and complex these characters are, and how skillfully Justiss re-invents common Regency tropes.

Grade: A-

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My Lady’s Honor (2002)

Series: The Spymaster, Book 3

FULL DISCLOSURE: I did not actually re-read this one because I’m still pissed off from reading it the first time two years ago.

The happy couple….

Newly-orphaned Gwennor Southford needs a proper marriage to prevent her younger brother from being sent to an asylum. Gilen de Mowbry, Viscount St. Abrams, is a self-righteous, whiny WANKER.

The set-up….

As they flee from their “odious cousin,” Gwennor and her brother find temporary safety with a local Romany clan. Gilen sees her dancing, decides she’s a Gypsy Slut, attempts to shame her into being his mistress, and then accuses her of being a thief and a con artist.

The conflicts….

An irrational, stupid, and ENDLESS Big Misunderstanding from start to finish. Because the hero is a self-righteous, whiny FUCKWAD.

The romance….

It’s hard to call this a romance because there’s NOTHING romantic about a hero who’s a self-righteous, whiny ASSHOLE.

The recommendation….

If the words wanker, fuckwad and asshole didn’t clue you in, I didn’t like this book. AT ALL.

For a more coherent description of this anti-romance, the Publisher’s Weekly review sums up the horror without quite as much NSFW language.

Grade: F

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Wicked Wager (2003)

The happy couple….

Jenna Montague Fairchild is the widow and daughter of war heroes who has followed the drum all her life.  Lord Anthony Nelthorpe is a repentant rake, suffering from a painful war injury and determined to distance himself from his infamously debauched father.

The set-up….

The night before Jenna’s marriage to her late husband, Tony lured her to an isolated spot to attempt a seduction – but he wasn’t expecting the knife in her boot. When they meet again in London, Tony attempts to pull her out of her grief and depression by wagering that she can make him respectable again.

The conflicts….

She’s still grieving for her husband and father, and she doesn’t trust him, for good reason. He must hide the extent of his father’s alcoholism. Oh – and all the murder attempts.

The romance….

While Tony’s transformation and redemption is believable, it was difficult to view him as a hero because of the off-page “forced seduction.”

The recommendation….

This was an unexpected and unusual premise for a historical romance, but when the suspense bits devolved into a Kidnapping Melodrama, I lost faith a little. Luckily, a lovely – and very romantic – ending raised the overall score.

Grade: B

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The Untamed Heiress (2006)

The happy couple….

Helena Lambarth is a 21-year-old waif who has been a virtual prisoner in her father’s house for nearly 10 years. Adam Darnell has recently inherited his father’s title and his ruinous gambling debts.

The set-up….

When Helena’s father dies, she finally escapes her captivity and travels to London to live with her missing mother’s distant cousin Lady Darnell – Adam’s stepmother.

The conflicts….

The heroine’s Extreme Makeover from malnourished ugly duckling into Regency swan turns Adam’s head and unleashes his fiancee’s vicious jealousy.

The romance….

It’s there, but it’s primarily repetitive mental lusting followed by self-shaming until the last few chapters.

The recommendation….

The opening was brilliant – but Helena’s transformation was nearly nauseating, especially when it showcased her perfect recall of the literature, music and horsemanship she mastered at AGE TEN.

Grade: C-

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Rogue’s Lady (2007)

The happy couple….

Allegra Antinori is the orphaned daughter of an aristocratic English mother and an Italian musician father. William Tavener is an impoverished rake who has inherited a run-down estate.

The set-up….

Will is on a bride hunt for an heiress, but he can’t keep his eyes off Allegra – despite her “dubious lineage and humble dowry.”

The conflicts….

The Evil Step-Mother (or step-distant-aunt-in-law or something like that) puts the moves on the hero, while the heroine insists on pining after her stodgy cousin.

The romance….

The chemistry is there, but the relationship-building is just a series of encounters at balls, musicales and carriage rides in Hyde Park.

The recommendation….

A predictable and disappointing Cinderella story – complete with an “Oh, wait, never mind! She’s really a duchess!” cop-out ending.

Grade: C-

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A Most Unconventional Match (2007)

Series: The Wellingfords,  Book 3

The happy couple….

Elizabeth Wellingford Lowery is a sheltered young widow overwhelmed by the sudden loss of her protective older husband. Hal Waterman is an aristocrat, but he’s also a financier and entrepreneur – and he’s physically ginormous with a speech impediment.

The set-up….

Hal comes to Elizabeth’s rescue when she’s accosted by a conniving debt collector, and he overcomes his shyness enough to volunteer his expertise in putting her estate to rights.

The conflicts….

Hal’s ambitious mama is determined to marry off her embarrassing lunk of a son. Elizabeth is still grieving and struggling with her young son, her late husband’s slimy best friend is trying to make her his mistress, and she’s a talented artist with no outlet for her work.

The romance….

Ohhhhh, the romance. When Hal learns Elizabeth is a painter and arranges a private viewing at the Royal Academy exhibition…. *~*SWOON*~* And when Elizabeth finally decides to seduce Hal and asks him to pose in a toga…. OMG *~*SWOON*~* <thud>

The recommendation….

I love this book sooooooo much. It’s on my DIK list.

Grade: A

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From Waif to Gentleman’s Wife (2009)

Series: The Wellingfords, Book 4

The happy couple….

Joanna Merrill is a young soldier’s widow (are you sensing a theme here?) unfairly dismissed from a governess position. Sir Edward (Ned) Greaves is a gentleman farmer who’s taken on the management of a neglected estate as a favor for a friend.

The set-up….

When cast-out governess Joanna arrives starving and penniless at the estate where her brother is supposedly working, she learns he’s been missing for months.

The conflicts….

In addition to restoring the tenant farms that Joanna’s brother left to ruin, Sir Edward must also find the instigators of local Luddite uprisings. While disguising himself as plain ol’ untitled Ned.

The romance….

In amongst the political unrest, there’s some good chemistry – but because all the conflict is external, neither Joanna nor Edward grow much as characters, and the relationship-building suffers.

The recommendation….

I gave it a B+ the first time I read it, but it doesn’t hold up as well on re-read.

Grade: B-

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The Smuggler and the Society Bride (2010)

FULL DISCLOSURE: I did not actually re-read this one because I remember some significant eye-rolling the first time around. And not just over the dopey title. Or the dopey cover.

The happy couple….

Lady Honoria Carlow is a disgraced debutante living in exile in Cornwall with her equally scandalous aunt. Capt. Gabriel Hawksworth is an Irishman doing temporary duty as a smuggler as a favor for a friend.

The set-up….

Honoria stumbles across Gabe’s gang of free-traders in action, and he’s forced to draw her close to shut her up.

The conflicts….

The usual “clueless maiden vs manly man” nonsense.

The romance….

All I remember is thinking “what in the HELL does he see in her???”

The recommendation….

This is the only other Justiss book that I recommend AVOIDING.

Grade: D+

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Society’s Most Disreputable Gentleman (2011)

Series: The Wellingfords, Book 5

The happy couple….

Amanda Neville is a baron’s daughter about to make her belated debut in London. Greville Anders is the brother of From Waif to Gentleman’s Wife heroine Joanna – the man who royally fucked up his one shot at being an estate manager.

The set-up….

Amanda is looking forward to her debut at age 25 after spending years caring for her family through several tragedies. When her father agrees to play host to an injured veteran at the request of a marquess, she’s expecting a decorated officer – not a half-dead common sailor.

The conflicts….

Amanda’s main source of angst is her obnoxious teenage cousin. On the other hand, Greville is all angst, all the time, and Justiss makes good work of it. Instead of hanging on to his bitterness about being press-ganged into the navy, Greville wises up and attempts to restore his honor.

The romance….

While the chemistry is strong, the road to happiness is disappointingly repetitive and predictable.

The recommendation….

Not the best of the series, but worth reading for a great hero redemption story.

Grade: B-

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The Courtesan (2012)

The happy couple….

Lady Belle is a former courtesan rejoicing in her hard-won freedom after her vile protector dies. Capt. Jack Carrington is a newly-returned war hero who wants nothing more than to return to his mother and sister.

The set-up….

As he’s unpacking his bags in London, Jack’s friends drag him off to view a fencing master’s latest protégé – who just happens to be Lady Belle. The rake-filled crowd of spectators challenges Jack to a match with Lady Belle, and she winds up nearly killing him when the cork tip comes off her foil.

The conflicts….

Jack is fully conscious of his mother’s status as an earl’s daughter, and knows he must avoid scandal during his sister’s come-out. Lady Belle has the angst overload this time, what with her disgraceful past and her penchant for protecting waifs from evil brothel owners.

The romance….

Ohhhh, the romance. Watching Jack learn to admire Lady Belle and earn her trust is ever so swoon-worthy. And Lady Belle is such a deliciously complex heroine.

The recommendation….

This book is nearly perfect until the end, when Lady Belle is miraculously Restored to Her Proper Place in Society. A single anecdote in the first chapter makes this scenario wildly unbelievable.

Grade: B

One-Quote Review(s): The Wild Quartet by Miranda Neville

• Title: The Second Seduction of a Lady
• Author:  Miranda Neville
• Series: The Wild Quartet, Book 0.5
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Avon, October 2012
• Source: Edelweiss ($1.99 ebook)
• Length: 100 pages
• Trope(s): Ruined by a Rake, Big Misunderstanding, Wicked Wager
• Quick blurb: Five years after a torrid encounter, a repentant gentleman gets a second chance with the stubborn woman he still loves.
• Quick review: Nothing heart-stopping, but everything a prequel novella should be.
• Grade: B

It wasn’t a deep kiss but a slow investigation of taste and texture, a scouting trip with the promise of a full exploration.

This novella wasn’t  an all-out swoon, but I loved how the quiet moments between Max and Eleanor showed a more mature and hard-earned romance in contrast to the ill-fated insta-love of their impulsive wards.

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• Title: The Importance of Being Wicked
• Author:  Miranda Neville
• Series: The Wild Quartet, Book 1
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Avon, November 2012
• Source: Edelweiss ($7.99 ebook)
• Length: 384 pages
• Trope(s): Gambling Fever, Widow, Beta Hero, Big Misunderstandings
• Quick blurb: Staid duke in need of an heiress is enthralled by his intended’s impetuous but impoverished chaperone.
• Quick review: A bit iffy in the middle, but a full-swoon ending makes it worth the read.
• Grade: B

The Duke of Castleton had been delightfully stuffy and teasable, and she’d managed not to make a fool of herself by leaping on him and ripping off his clothes.

Loved the relationship-building in the first half (especially the slug-fest at the masked ball), then got really annoyed with both of them, but they finally got their heads out of their asses and I got all swoony at the end.

One-Quote Review: A Notorious Countess Confesses by Julie Anne Long

• Title: A Notorious Countess Confesses
• Author:  Julie Anne Long
• Series: Pennyroyal Green, Book 7
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Avon, October 2012
• Source: Edelweiss ($5.99 ebook)
• Length: 384 pages
• Trope(s): Hot Vicar, Soiled Dove, Widow, Small Town, Beta Hero, Smartass Heroine
• Quick blurb: A newly widowed former courtesan asks a handsome village vicar to help her make friends.
• Quick review: A worthy addition to the series, but not one of Long’s best.
• Grade: B

Yes…yes! He felt a twinge of something! It was coming now!

He scrawled:

I kissed her I kissed her I kissed her

Well.

As a sermon, it was a failure, but his parishioners would doubtless find it edifying.

Notorious Countess worked much better for me than the previous book in the series. (Where in the hell did those people come from and why should I care? And I didn’t care, because I don’t remember anything about it beyond the cheesy title). This one is a bit more fairy tale-ish than her other books, but Long still manages to pull off the tricky balance of broad humor and intimate yearning.

Another romance novel art that Long consistently does really, really well is showing, not telling, how her hero and heroine fall in love. It might be insta-lust or even insta-love, but by the time the first kiss happens, we know why her characters are drawn to each other.

I also appreciated that both the vicar and the courtesan did a lot of self-reflection and said some very hurtful but honest things to each other. HOWEVER…I was disappointed in how their interactions with the rest of the village were perfectly scripted to make them always come out on top of the uncomfortable situations.

And despite my recently admitted weakness for Grand Gestures, this ending was WAY too Love, Actually, with shamefaced parisioners standing up and spouting Magical Bible Verses like the LA wedding guests with hidden trumpets and trombones.

The Summoning of the Siblings bit was good, though — enough to make up for the goats and bring this up from a B- to a solid B.

[NOTE: I read an ARC, so I forced myself to ignore the dreadful editing fails. If that kind of WTFery had shown up in a published version I paid for, the grade would have been much, MUCH lower. Even so, my respect for Avon Books is diminished once again.]

The ‘Oh Crap It’s Only A Week Until Christmas’ Holiday Book Binge, Part 1

I was going to call these “lightning” reviews, but I’m going with “magical reindeer fly-by” reviews because they’re more ephemeral than electrocution-inducing.

Yes, I’m an Alliteration Whore.

In no particular order….

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‘Twas the Night After Christmas by Sabrina Jeffries

• Title: ‘Twas the Night After Christmas
• Author: Sabrina Jeffries
• Series: Hellions of Halstead Hall, Book 6
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Gallery Books, October 2012
• Source: Edelweiss ($7.99 ebook)
• Length: 368 pages
• Trope(s): Angst, Big Misunderstandings, Parental Issues, Smartass Heroine, Alpha Hero Who’s Secretly a Beta Hero, Plot Moppet
• Quick blurb: A widowed hired companion tries to reunited her unseen rakish employer with his long-estranged mother.
• Quick review: Angsty and gooey and predictable, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
• Grade: A-

She kissed like a woman who didn’t know her own sensual power. Most women did – even the virginal ones. The fact that she didn’t made him want to show it to her. Graphically. Thoroughly. Over and over, until she realized what he’d known since the moment she first stood up to him – that she was one of those rare women who understood how the game was played…and then played it by her own rules.

This might be my favorite of the Hellions of Halstead Hall series. Yes, the setup is standard formula romance, but Jeffries really pulls it off by making this a very intimate and emotional and oozingly romantic story.

The minus in the A- minus is for the price — I know it’s a full novel and not just a novella, but it’s Christmas, for crying out loud. And don’t try to use “But we released it in October!” as an excuse.

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Red Hot Holiday (Anthology)

• Title: Red Hot Holiday
• Author(s): Anne Calhoun, K.A. Mitchell and Leah Braemel
• Series: N/A
• Genre(s): Contemporary, Erotica
• Publisher: Carina Press, December 2012
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 262 pages
• Trope(s): Angst, Big Misunderstandings, BDSM, Menage, Beta Heroes, Widow
• Quick blurb: A unique and unexpected mix of holiday-themed erotic stories
• Quick review: A bit uneven, but definitely not the usual gooey Christmas schmaltz
• Grade: B-

Wish List by K.A. Mitchell

“Feel small, like I could crawl inside you, but big too, like all of you would fit inside me.”

I have read and will continue to read anything and everything by K.A. Mitchell, and I *love* that a non-Christmas, non-het story was included in this anthology.

I Need You for Christmas by Leah Braemel

“I wasn’t the only one who pulled Kevin out of the water. It was a team effort.”

“I know. But I’m not in love with any of them.”

I’m generally not a big fan of Gift of the Magi takeoffs, because the conflict and resolution are always so blatantly telegraphed, and this was no exception. The fact that the heroine was a kick-ass Mountie and the hero was a believable Sensitive Artist almost made up for some of the external melodrama — but not enough for the gratuitous sex swing.

Breath on Embers by Annie Calhoun

Ronan the Rescuer loomed over her, big and tough and willing to throw himself at whatever fire appeared, literal or metaphorical, but this wasn’t hot flames. This was the cold fire of hell no one could rescue her from, because nothing was wrong, except her husband was dead.

Like nearly every other reader, I was blown away by Calhoun’s gorgeous writing — the balance of characters and setting and holiday angst was perfect. HOWEVER… I know I’m in the minority on this… I felt the resolution of the conflict was a cop-out to make this story more “erotic” and fulfill a “Stop the presses! We need a menage!” trope quota — even more than the gratuitous sex swing. I just didn’t buy it.

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A Mackenzie Family Christmas: The Perfect Gift by Jennifer Ashley

• Title: A Mackenzie Family Christmas: The Perfect Gift
• Author: Jennifer Ashley
• Series: Highland Pleasures, Book 4.5
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Self-Published, December 2012
• Source: Amazon, 99¢
• Length: 240 pages
• Trope(s): Family Reunion, Big Misunderstanding(s), Plot Moppets (a LOT of them), Pregnant Ladies (a LOT of them), Testosterone in Kilts (a LOT of it)
• Quick blurb: The Boys of Scotland and their Lovely Lassies and all their children and pets and servants and horses and in-laws.
• Quick review: If you love the MacKenzies, you’ll probably read this book and like it. Just like me.
• Grade: B

Hart looked like someone had kicked him repeatedly.

Every single character from all four previous books was crammed into this book, along with their numerous spawn. Those who weren’t the main characters of their own book all got smoochy cameos in this one, including Crabby Old Fart-Muffin (my son’s favorite epithet) half-brother Lloyd Fellows AND Bellamy the Boxing Butler (oh, fine then, he’s a valet, but that’s not alliterative).

The subtitle of “The Perfect Gift” was the often obscured yet charming plot thread, but it really wasn’t the point. It did, however, remind me how much I looove Ian and Beth and then I had to go and read their book again. And then I had to double-check to make sure I had Elliot’s book AND Daniel’s book on my “Coming Soon But Not Soon Enough Hurry the Hell Up” list.

Medieval Mania: By Royal Command by Laura Navarre

• Title: By Royal Command
• Author: Laura Navarre
• Series: N/A
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Carina Press, July 2012
• Source: NetGalley ($4.16 ebook)
• Length: 274 pages
• Trope(s): Widow, Alpha Male(s), Beta Hero, Big Misunderstanding, Simile Sex, Hair Fetish, Evil Royal Relation
• Quick blurb: Newly widowed niece of King Ethelred (he of the Unreadiness) is forced into a betrothal with a Norman nobleman – but she’s distracted by the large and tawny Viking assigned as her escort.
• Quick review: The author has a thesaurus, and she knows how to use it.
• Grade: D

Grappling with savage urgency in a riot of tumbled cushions, she plunged headlong into rapture in the arms of her wrathful angel.

Status Updates: Read With Me Vicariously

You can tell by the dates that I avoided writing this review.

• 09/12 – 40%: “…the curving shell of secrets nestled between her thighs” o.0
• 09/13 – 42%: This book is much more Bodice Ripper than I anticipated….
• 09/13 – 58%: The metaphors. EVERYTHING is a water, fire, weather or war metaphor. And the interjections. By Odin’s smelly underpants, the INTERJECTIONS! Lots of references to Odin and Thor, but no Loki yet. Heroine prefers to invoke St. Cuthbert and St. Wilfrid.
• 09/14 – 65%: The book that will never end. I made it this far, but this is taking WAY too long to finish.
• 09/15 – 78%: Still not done… *whimper*
• 09/17 – 100%: Finally finished, and I still haven’t quite distilled why this didn’t work for me.

When I finally started the distillation process, I had to put the crankypants on.

The writing style….

I can’t really call it the author’s “voice,” because I never really heard one. Instead, I felt bombarded with every literary device we learned in junior high language arts class. Action verbs. Adjectives. Metaphors. Interjections. Euphemisms. Rinse. Repeat.

As he fitted himself against her, an epiphany burst within….

She opened herself to the storm of sensation, reached for him with both arms as he surged inside to fill her. Their joining brought him toppling down on her, in the blazing splendor of the archbishop’s bed. He gripped her in the same desperate clutch, held her moored against his rapid thrusts. Her tight channel stretched to accept him, ripples of pleasure pulsing through her. Blindly, she struggled toward the conflagration.

Without warning, it ignited her. She dug her nails into his sinewed back and clung with all her strength. The cataclysm flung her high, outside herself, as he went rigid in her arms.

The hundreds (literally) of other examples can be grouped into thematic categories, including:

One-Quote Review: Gnome on the Range by Jennifer Zane

Before you ask “WHY???” (because I know that’s what you’re thinking), I put the full blame for this on Jennifer at Romance Novel News. I dared her to read something called Moosed-Up, so this was my self-inflicted penance.

So actually, it’s my own fault. But then again, Jennifer definitely got the better end of the deal on this one.

• Title: Gnome on the Range
• Author(s): Jennifer Zane
• Series:  Gnome Novel Series, Book 1
• Genre(s): Contemporary, Suspense (*eye-roll*)
• Publisher: Self-Published, December 2011
• Source: Amazon, free promo ($4.99 ebook)
• Length: 216 pages
• Trope(s): Firefighter, Military Man, Single Mother, Widow, Wacko In-Laws, Sex Toys, Small Town
• Quick blurb: Single mother and studly new neighbor join forces against evil villain.
• Quick review:  If not for the noble firefighter neighbor, this book would have been completely OTT WTFery.
• Grade: D

For the next fifteen minutes, we went over fire inspection paperwork with an elephant in the room the shape of a dildo.

This wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t good. A nearly-TSTL heroine, her way-OTT mother-in-law, a completely transparent “suspense” plot, inane and irrelevant details about houses, horses, sex toys, street names, etc., etc.

And…the Evil Villain. Oy. Uff da.

Are you ready for this? Because this is where the gnomes come into play.

Are you SURE? All righty, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

!!!SPOILER!!!

The Evil Villain is a ranch owner trying to retrieve stolen vials of valuable horse semen that were hidden in garden gnomes purchased by the heroine’s young sons at a yard sale.

But how does that make him villainous, you ask? It doesn’t.

He’s an evil villain because he’s — wait for it — a Pyscho Dom With Horse Tranquilizers.

I SHIT YOU NOT. On all counts.

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Epilogue….

While I was reading this, my kids decided to watch Gnomeo and Juliet on one of those mysterious cable movie channels I didn’t even know we had. It was actually tolerable because James McAvoy voiced the main character, and I could listen to him all day. Or night.

But then again, there was this: