One-Quote Review Tripleheader: Regency Novellas

The all-blue cover thing is just a coincidence, I swear.

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The Perks of Being a Beauty by Manda Collins

• Title: The Perks of Being a Beauty
• Author: Manda Collins
• Series: Ugly Ducklings, Book 3.5
• Genre(s): Historical (Regency)
• Publisher: St. Martin’s, June 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 125 pages
• Trope(s): Reformed Mean Girl, Reunited, Social-Climbing Employer, House Party Nookie
• Quick blurb: Penniless former debutante is unexpectedly reunited with the man she rejected years before.
• Quick review: Intriguing enough to add a few of Collins’ previous books to my library wishlist.
• Grade: B-

Then, as if he’d been dying to do this very thing from the beginning, he kissed her.

I didn’t realize before reading that this novella is a bridge between author’s previous series and upcoming series. We get only a few brief mentions of Amelia’s former bullying ways and an apparently infamous public outburst, and those glimpses aren’t quite enough to make an unfamiliar reader appreciate her atonement and redemption. But I loved the chemistry and enjoyed Collins’ voice enough to seek out her previous and upcoming titles.

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Miss Watson’s First Scandal by Heather Boyd

• Title: Miss Watson’s First Scandal
• Author: Heather Boyd
• Series: Miss Mayhem, Book 1
• Genre(s): Historical (Regency)
• Publisher: LLD Press, July 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 99 pages
• Trope(s): Workaholic on Vacation, Childhood Acquaintance All Growed Up and Sexy, Pain in the Ass Best Friend, Sequel Bait, Naked Swimming
• Quick blurb: Banker must serve foreclosure papers on his best friend, but gets distracted by the deadbeat’s surprisingly grown-up younger sister.
• Quick review: A good premise that deserves more pages.
• Grade: C+

“It’s not enough,” she whispered unsteadily. “It couldn’t possibly be.”

I’ve enjoyed several historical novellas by Boyd, and based on those works, Iwas expecting the titular scandal of this story to be a bit more erotic. It’s a nice bit of Regency fluff, but I’m hoping Boyd’s upcoming trilogy will have more bite and substance. The plus on the letter grade is for the puppy.

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A Scandalous Plan by Donna Lea Simpson

• Title: A Scandalous Plan
• Author: Donna Lee Simpson
• Series: N/A
• Genre(s): Historical (Regency)
• Publisher: Beyond the Page Publishing, May 2013 (re-release; first published 2003)
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 99 pages
• Trope(s): Bored Spinster, Grumpy Widower, Plot Moppets, Disability, Gossiping Villagers
• Quick blurb: A widower is steamrolled by a local do-gooder who insists on making superstitious villagers accept his autistic child.
• Quick review: Not painful, but probably not worth a re-release.
• Grade: C-

It was time to disturb the surface and see what happened.

Another bit of Regency fluff, but this heroine verges on being annoying. She’s a more obnoxious version of Jane Austen’s Emma who blunders about with endearing plot moppets instead of matchmaking schemes. I got the feeling the mystified hero married her just to shut her up.

One-Quote Review: Skin in the Game by Jackie Barbosa

• Title: Skin in the Game
• Author: Jackie Barbosa
• Series: Play Action, Book 1
• Genre(s): Cntemporary
• Publisher: Entangled (Brazen), May 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author
• Length: 250 pages
• Trope(s): Lady Football Coach/Math Geek, Injured Superstar, Lust in the Workplace
• Quick blurb: Pro quarterback gets involved with hometown high school coach.
• Quick review: Another one written JUST FOR ME.
• Grade: A-

In fact, she doubted anything could make him less hot, short of a restraining order from an ex-girlfriend.

Heroine is a prickly math geek and football coach. Hero is an angsty athlete who can do the dirty talk. Author knows her football — and her dirty talk.

One-Quote Review: Any Duchess Will Do by Tessa Dare

• Title: Any Duchess Will Do
• Author: Tessa Dare
• Series: Spindle Cove, Book 4
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Avon, May 2013
• Source: Edelweiss
• Length: 384 pages
• Trope(s): Smartass Heroine, Brooding Duke, Marriage-Obsessed Mama, Bad Knitting
• Quick blurb: Duke’s mother declares she can turn a barmaid into a duchess in one week.
• Quick review: Shut up and quit bugging me, I have to read the whole series again.
• Grade: A-

Her. I’ll take her.

The only other time I’ve used a gif in a review was the previous book in this series. So…yeah.

One-Quote Review: Gambling on Love by Nancy Fraser and Patti Shenberger

• Title: Gambling on Love
• Author: Nancy Fraser and Patti Shenberger
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Entangled (Scandalous), April 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 87 pages
• Trope(s): Runaway Debutante, In Disguise, Slavery, Gambling,
• Quick blurb: Southern belle hires riverboat captain to transport her father’s former slaves to safety.
• Quick review: Not painful, not much there.
• Grade: C-

Instead of a quote, I will make reference to the six (6) times the word “teat” is used in this story. Hence the minus added to the letter grade.

I don’t have much to say about this one — nothing too objectionable, but nothing memorable. The middle sagged with no real conflict, and the heroine was Little Miss Perfect throughout the story.

Against the Tide by Elizabeth Camden

• Title: Against the Tide
• Author: Elizabeth Camden
• Genre(s): Historical, Inspiration
• Publisher: Bethany House, October 2012
• Source: Publisher
• Length: 362 pages
• Trope(s): Enigmatic Loner Hero, Tough but Nearly Desperate Heroine, Villain With a Fatal Weakness, Kidnapping, Addiction
• Quick blurb: Naval translator gets drawn into a former opium smuggler’s quest for redemption.
• Quick review: Another one for the “Written JUST FOR ME” category.
• Grade: A-

I’m always on the hunt for new and different in romance, and when it comes in the form of an inspirational historical suspense story centering on the opium trade in late 19th-century Boston – with a gorgeous cover as a bonus – I am helpless to resist.

I’ve read Against the Tide three times now, and I’ve been sitting on this review for months because I’m both enthralled and a bit conflicted. The characters are complex and memorable, and the setting and suspense had me in a full-on book trance even on the second and third reads. Only one element in the narrative bothered me enough to add a minus instead of a plus to the letter grade, but it’s one that’s central to the story.

Read the full review at Dear Author »

Book Anxiety, Part 2: Untamed by Anna Cowan

• Title: Untamed
• Author: Anna Cowan
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Penguin Books Australia, May 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 432 pages
• Trope(s): Heroine Who Says the F-Word, Hero Who’s Prettier Than The Heroine, Evil Gambling Father, Tragic Pasts, Sibling/Parent Issues, Deceit & Manipulation
• Quick blurb: A dandy in disguise changes the lives of a disgraced and debt-ridden family.
• Quick review: Again with the Book Anxiety, but a better outcome this time.
• Grade: C+

“I will write a book of bad ideas,” she said, pulling viciously at the buttons on her sleeve, “and the final chapter will be dedicated to this epic, gravity-defying feat of stupidity. And in a hundred years a celebrated English wordsmith will come across it and write a poetic tribute to the very bad idea that malformed in the brain of one demented duke. His work will run to eleven volumes before his vocabulary has even begun to do justice to how extremely bad this idea is.”

Oy. I need to quit whining for new and different, because more like this is going to kill me.

This is the Cross-Dressing Duke book. The author’s brilliant blog has had me captivated by her insights on the romance genre, and her tweets about research and characterization sent me to the “request” button on NetGalley within minutes of availability.

And then once again, I got my knickers in a knot by glancing — A MERE GLANCE, I TELL YOU — at glowing and scathing responses from reviewers I respect.

Based on those discussions, along with the author’s essay on the gender dynamics, I was more than a little surprised to see how little the seemingly touchy cross-dressing issue impacted this story. The Duke of Darlington is essentially just a “not very manly man” in a dress and a close shave, hiding from his peers until a scandal blows over. We learn that he’s a master of disguise in many forms, with a “cataclysmic” ability to influence the way others see and respond to him. I saw Jude’s dress-wearing not as a form of self-expression, but as a much-planned tactic in an ongoing campaign of strategic deceit and manipulation.

What makes Untamed such an antithesis to the much-bemoaned Regency fluff is the way every other character allows themselves to be deceived and manipulated. We know the duke will slowly unravel Kit’s mistrustful control of her heart. But as he draws the rest of her family into his thrall, the extended relationship dynamics take on a life of their own – with Kit (and the reader) desperately trying to make sense of it all.

However…there were a few elements that didn’t work for me, such as the random and unsustained POVs from secondary characters popping up at odd times throughout the story. At the halfway mark, we get Kit’s brother for a page or two. At some point, we get the brutish brother-in-law for a few paragraphs. And later, for some unknown and completely inexplicable reason, we get into the head of a barely-there-before ditzy squire’s daughter as she flirts her way through her first dinner party. Each time it kicked me out of my reading trance, and each time it was completely unnecessary.

What I struggled with most was the voice. I whine for a strong authorial voice, and Cowan’s knocked me flat – and it took me a while to recover enough to fully engage with the characters. The sheer abruptness of the tone worked great at establishing the angsty, edgy atmosphere, but it also left me…I don’t know…maybe “cautious” is the best word…for much of the story. Combine that with inconsistent sentence, paragraph and section breaks in the ARC I was reading, and I had a hard time getting past the writing itself and into the adventure.

However (and yes, I can totally use “however” twice and negate my own arguments because it’s my blog so just shut up about it)…like, Raybourn, Cowan took a huge risk with this story, and I’m thrilled that a major publisher is taking chances on The New & The Different. I cannot wait to read what Cowan writes for me next. Because it’s ALL FOR ME.

One-Quote Review: Hold Me Down Hard by Cathryn Fox

• Title: Hold Me Down Hard
• Author: Cathryn Fox
• Genre(s): Contemporary, Erotica
• Publisher: Entangled (Flirt), May 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 51 pages
• Trope(s): Small-Town Girl in the Big City, Sexy Cop
• Quick blurb: Actress gets sexy cop neighbor to “run lines” so she can nail (wink, wink) an upcoming role.
• Quick review: Too short for Full Snark. Almost DNFed it.
• Grade: D

“Actually, these lines seem a bit cheesy.”

I had to choose that quote. How could I not choose that quote? I requested this solely for the “naive Iowa farm girl” bit in the blurb, and the nicest thing I have to say is that it’s exactly what I expected.

This short story (a very strange choice for Entangled’s Flirt line) is one erotica cliché after another (except a billionaire CEO), with some eye-rolling attempts at ridiculously superficial characterization.

One-Quote Review: The Seduction Hypothesis by Delphine Dryden

• Title: The Seduction Hypothesis
• Series: The Science of Temptation, Book 2
• Author: Delphine Dryden
• Genre(s): Contemporary, Erotica
• Publisher: Carina Press, May 2013
• Source: NetGalley
• Length: 97 pages
• Trope(s): Nerds/Geeks, BDSM, Big Misunderstandings
• Quick blurb: A group outing to a fan convention allows a former couple to reignite their relationship — with the help of a few costumes and props.
• Quick review: Despite their frustrating Little Big Misunderstandings, it’s a helluva of a lot of fun to read about kinky nerds who can laugh in the bedroom.
• Grade: B+

Oh God, the eyebrow thing again.

I adore love stories about geeks, and even more so when both main characters are equally smart and nerdy. Lindsey and Ben’s lack of communication was annoying, but believable and necessary to the story, and Dryden makes the most of it in rebuilding their faltering relationship into a funny and wickedly sexy kinkfest.

As with the first entry in the series, the only thing keeping this story from an A grade was the heroine — Lindsey comes across a little too self-righteous for much of the story, blaming Ben’s confusion rather than her own for their estrangement, and I had a little trouble accepting her insistence on being in the lifestyle for life after only one awkward sample.

A plea for a third in the series:  Ms. Dryden, write us female dom/male sub story — pretty please??? *bats eyelashes*

One-Quote Reviews: Strangers on a Train

I’d go with an “All Aboard!” intro, but that would be too cheesy even for me. Beware of CAPSLOCK OF RAGE and FANGIRL SQUEE (not in the same story, thank god.)

<whining>

Before we get to the good stuff, a brief plea to Samhain Publishing: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FIX YOUR EBOOK FORMATTING. The default 6pt font and forced sans serif is beyond annoying — it makes me cringe every time I open a recent Samhain title. I’m willing to put up with it for trusted authors, but it is a definite barrier to trying new ones.

</whining>

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Back on Track by Donna Cummings

• Title: Back on Track
• Author: Donna Cummings
• Series: Strangers on a Train
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Samhain, April 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author ($2.10 ebook)
• Length: 67 pages
• Trope(s): Working Girl, Celebrity/Commoner, Athlete
• Quick blurb: “Two Truths and a Lie” icebreaker leads to a mini-Big-Misunderstanding between a marketing exec and a pro baseball player.
• Quick review: Not bad, but not memorable.
• Grade: C

“Does he wear mismatched socks that haven’t been washed in months? To keep a winning streak alive?”

She shook her head, biting back a smile.

“Really?”

“No, he wore smiley-face footie socks. With a tiny pompon in the back.”

Cummings is a new-to-me author, and I didn’t find much of a “voice” in her writing, especially compared to her veteran co-authors. I was put off on the first page by the BFF “patting her perfect blonde hair into place,” the h/h chemistry felt superficial, and I was disappointed that the “wine train” premise wasn’t woven into the story.

Also, the cover is a little eye-rolling — very few (if any) major league pitchers are built like NFL linebackers.

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Tight Quarters by Samantha Hunter

• Title: Tight Quarters
• Author: Samantha Hunter
• Series: Strangers on a Train
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Samhain, April 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author ($2.66 ebook)
• Length: 77 pages
• Trope(s): Mental Illness, PTSD, Magical Orgasm Cure, Worst Therapist EVER
• Quick blurb: Claustrophobic writer and retired cop find themselves booked into the same sleeper cabin.
• Quick review: This story PISSED ME OFF. A LOT.
• Grade: D (very, very close to being a DNF)

He wanted to tell her he was sorry for being so cavalier about her phobia. Anyone who had lived through that hell would end up with some kind of damage, and she was fighting it.

Lesson learned from this story: The only phobias and anxieties worthy of sympathy are those triggered by tragedy and trauma. All others are fair game for shame and ridicule.

In other words, a big FUCK YOU to readers like me who don’t have a heart-wrenching backstory to blame for their irrational fears and panic attacks.

The writing was good — really good. But HELL FUCKING NO on the Magical Orgasm Cure. I’ll save the rest of my CAPSLOCK OF RAGE for my upcoming (someday) theme on mental illness, but here’s a teaser: If a crippling fear disappears in the presence of testosterone, it’s not a “phobia.” IT DOESN”T WORK THAT WAY.

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Ticket Home by Serena Bell

• Title: Ticket Home
• Author: Serena Bell
• Series: Strangers on a Train
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Samhain, April 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author ($2.66 ebook)
• Length: 77 pages
• Trope(s): Workaholism, Reunited, Daddy Issues
• Quick blurb: Workaholic entrpreneur tries to woo his ex back home.
• Quick review: Adding this to my Swoon-Worthy Grand Gestures list.
• Grade: B+

“So is that why you ran away?”

“I ran away, she said through gritted teeth, “because you were an asshole.”

I was floored when I learned this was Bell’s first published title. More like this, and she’ll be on my auto-buy list.

The only thing that kept this story from an “A” grade was the bit with the daddy issues — it felt like a too-much-thought-out attempt to give the heroine an angsty backstory to explain away her reluctance. The hero was an asshole, and his bringing up her manipulative father was just as manipulative.

I wavered on the final grade a bit…. Use of the phrase “ate his mouth like a starving woman” was groan-inspiring, but then I had to give bonus points for Big Brooklyn Guy’s one-liner at the end.

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Thank You For Riding by Meg Maguire

• Title: Thank You For Riding
• Author: Meg Maguire
• Series: Strangers on a Train
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Samhain, April 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author ($2.66 ebook)
• Length: 72 pages
• Trope(s): Trapped in a Subway Station, Smartass Heroine, Book-Reading-Glasses-Wearing Hero
• Quick blurb: Platelet-donating, library-card-carrying man and recently-dumped accountant take advantage of being trapped in a subway station.
• Quick review: A combination of perfect setting, characters and tone make this a truly sexy and romantic story.
• Grade: A

Did I mention I live alone with a cat? Just got dumped, workaholic and occasionnally eats half a bag of shredded mozzarella cheese for dinner? With chopsticks? Get on this hot mess with your man-broom before someone else sweeps me up!

Everything about this story worked for me, especially the heroine’s stream-of-consciousness internal monologuing. Using chopsticks to eat shredded cheese out of the bag is BRILLIANT.

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Big Boy by Ruthie Knox

• Title: Big Boy
• Author: Ruthie Knox
• Series: Strangers on a Train
• Genre(s): Contemporary
• Publisher: Samhain, April 2013
• Source: Review copy provided by author ($2.10 ebook)
• Length: 72 pages
• Trope(s): In Disguise, Role Play, Museum Sex,
• Quick blurb: Once-a-month role-playing encounters turn into something more for a struggling single mother.
• Quick review: Dear Ms. Knox: Wow. Love, Kelly.
• Grade: A

Tonight, I want a sliver of honesty to pierce the illusion. A splinter of reality to carry in my pocket all month, to cherish with my fingertips, thinking of him.

Here comes the FANGIRL SQUEE, and you knew it was coming because I haven’t been shy about my author crush on Knox.

Every time I read her, something new and different knocks me over, and sometimes I can’t even figure out exactly what or why. With Big Boy, it’s the atmosphere. The dark, uneasy, secretive, lonely atmosphere. And she pulled it off in first person present tense. As my tweenager would say: “Mind. Blown.” (You’ll have to just imagine the required hand gestures.)

And with every Knox story, it’s her authorial voice. Distinct and memorable, but different every time. Knox inhabits her characters — and that’s something that will always keep me reading.

Hmm… That was a lot of italics. The next Knox book will have me using HOT PINK BOLD ITALIC ALLCAPS, and she’ll have only herself to blame.

Naughty Norsemen: Going a-Viking in Romancelandia – Part 1

We’ll subtitle this post….

The maiden voyage

As part of my Haul of Half-Off Harlequins, I wound up with two Viking romances, chosen primarily for the snark value. Unfortunately, both were actually pretty good.

But, of course, these books kicked off a Viking-theme book binge, which dredged up one ridiculously fun PNR mashup, several “meh” examples, and one so-called “classic” that left me cringing.

Before we set sail, I must admit I know fuck-all about actual Vikings or Norse mythology. I did learn that the proper homage to Thor for a successful pillage was a goat sacrifice, and you know how I feel about goats.

ANYWAY, it’s time to put on our pointy-horned hats and go raiding.

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Warriors in Winter by Michelle Willingham

• Title: Warriors in Winter
• Author: Michelle Willingham
• Series/Category: MacEagan Brothers, Book 7 (Harlequin Historical)
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Harlequin, December 2012
• Source: Harlequin.com ($4.79 ebook)
• Length: 288 pages
• Trope(s): Vikings
• Quick blurb: Vikings! Revenge! Blindness! Plot Moppets! Sacrifice!
• Quick review: Almost forgettable, but I liked the focus on the strong heroines.
• Grade: B-

“You must choose, Brianna. Between vengeance and death…or marriage and life.”

This was a good choice for my maiden voyage into Viking romance — short and enjoyable fluff, with heroines that didn’t make me want to do unspeakable things to my Kindle.

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Ice Maiden by Debra Lee Brown

• Title: Ice Maiden
• Author: Debra Lee Brown
• Series/Category: Harlequin Historical
• Genre(s): Historical
• Publisher: Harlequin, Febuary 2001
• Source: Harlequin.com ($4.79 ebook)
• Length: 304 pages
• Trope(s): Vikings! Shipwrecks! Kidnappings! Big Misunderstandings!
• Quick blurb: Shipwrecked Scottish chieftain is forced to marry Viking princess so she can obtain her dowry to ransom her brother.
• Quick review: An interesting trope-twister with the hero being held captive by a tall, muscular, grumpy heroine.
• Grade: B-

Frigid. Authoritative. Mercenary. All a man could want in a bride.

I appreciated the kickass heroine and the gender reversal of the plot much more after reaching the next stops on the Viking Voyage (more on that dreck coming soon….).