This is what you get when you do a Google search for “medieval maiden.” Let’s take a closer look, shall we?
A high-maintenance dog.
A monkey with a roll
of paper towels.
A bunny.
A pervy yet submissive goat-unicorn.
Nope, nothing offensive here. Move along.
In all this visual ecstasy, let’s not overlook the all-important ad copy:
I dreamed I was a medieval maiden in my maidenform® bra
The past was never quite this perfect! I’m a legendary figure in STAR FLOWER,
Maidenform’s newest work of art! Genius idea: petal-patterned circular-stitched cup,
underlined with twin elastic bands (upper band expands for
custom fitting cups; lower band expands for comfortable give-and-take).
White cotton broadcloth, A, B and C cups. A collector’s item at just 2.50!
Yeesh. Just the words “broadcloth bra” make my boobs itchy. Let us now praise the inventors of Lycra®, even though they were men.
Hahaha! I remember bras like these, since my Mom wore them. She made me iron them, since back in the day she made me iron sheets as well…good practice for me, I guess was what she thought. But these bras made your boobs look like missile silos, all hard and pointy. I often wondered how disappointed men were to get them off and see the soft, squishy reality of titties…but then again, maybe they were more relieved?
Eek! I’m thinking this might could have been used as a medieval torture device. You know – like the rack.