Tripleheader: Fool’s Gold Summer (x3) by Susan Mallery

“This is Fool’s Gold. You can’t mess with one of the women and then act as if it didn’t happen.”

I’m going to present these in descending series order, because Book 7 is an epic Mess O’ Crazy. With goats. But not enough goats.

Goat Warning

WARNING: GOATS AHEAD

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

All Summer Long

  • All Summer Long by Susan MalleryTitle: All Summer Long
  • Author(s): Susan Mallery
  • Series: Fool’s Gold, Book 9
  • Genre(s): Contemporary
  • Publisher: Harlequin HQN, July 2012
  • Source: Provided by the publisher via NetGalley ($5.99 ebook)
  • Length: 376 pages
  • Trope(s): Small Town, Misfits, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Kick-Ass Heroine
  • Quick blurb: Former underwear model helps small-town firefighter overcome her fear of men.
  • Quick review: Great balance of fun, angst and hotness, with perfectly matched hero and heroine.
  • Grade: A-

“Lesson one,” he told her.

“How many are there?”

“As many as it takes. This is going to be a full service seduction.”

Damn, that was fun – especially considering where I started with this series. And the grand gesture? OH. MY. GOD. Second only to Nev’s in About Last Night. *~*swoon*~*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

More Goat

Dude. Hang in there. You’ll get to the goats soon enough.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Summer Nights

  • Summer Nights by Susan MalleryTitle: Summer Nights
  • Author(s): Susan Mallery
  • Series: Fool’s Gold, Book 8
  • Genre(s): Contemporary
  • Publisher: Harlequin HQN, June 2012
  • Source: Provided by the publisher via NetGalley ($5.99 ebook)
  • Length: 378 pages
  • Trope(s): Small Town, Librarian, Cowboy, Big Misunderstanding, Evil Exes, Beta Hero
  • Quick blurb: Smitten cowboy has to compete with his horse for the affections of the local librarian.
  • Quick review:
  • Grade: B-

“If I had the strength, I would so punch you.”

“I’d let you and even pretend it hurt.”

I was underwhelmed by the flat and rather predictable plot, but the best part of this book was the bungling beta hero – probably my favorite cowboy yet.

Did you catch that? A COWBOY WHO’S NOT AN ALPHOLE. I know, right???

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Goats

GOATS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Summer Days

  • Summer Days by Susan MalleryTitle: Summer Days
  • Author(s): Susan Mallery
  • Series: Fool’s Gold, Book 7
  • Genre(s): Contemporary
  • Publisher: Harlequin HQN, May 2012
  • Source: Provided by the publisher via NetGalley ($5.99 ebook)
  • Length: 376 pages
  • Trope(s): Small Town, Rags to Riches, TSTL,
  • Quick blurb: Tycoon returns to his despised hometown when his mother is defrauded in a land deal – but he butts heads (ha!) with the swindler’s granddaughter.
  • Quick review: NO ONE WARNED ME ABOUT THE GOATS.
  • Grade: C-

Get your umbrella, because it’s raining WTFery around here. I gave extra credit for the funny parts. Intentional or unintentional.

[View the story “Summer Days by Susan Mallery” on Storify]

  1. kelly_instalove
    Heroine runs biz selling goat milk, goat cheese, goat milk soap and goat fertilizer. From her “herd” of 8 goats. EIGHT. #idontthinkso

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 10:47:22
  2. This is so full of NO FUCKING WAY:EIGHT GOATS IS NOT A HERD OF GOATS.Unless these are giant mutant hybrid goats with grotesquely oversize lady parts, there is NO FUCKING WAY eight goats could produce enough
    milk, cheese and fertilizer to cover the mortgage payments on a
    1000-acre ranch.NUH-UH. No way. No how.
  3. JArmintrout
    @kelly_instalove I knew someone who planned to do that same thing, but with four goats. Wouldn’t listen when I said, “not enough goats.”

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 10:51:42
  4. JArmintrout
    @kelly_instalove They also were planning not to breed the goats, or use hormones, but still get milk.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 10:52:12
  5. JArmintrout
    @kelly_instalove So, it’s nice to see she got a job being in a romance novel.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 10:52:23
  6. kelly_instalove
    Hero’s mom paid heroine’s grandfather $250K for land he didn’t own. Apparently she just forked over cash and forgot to ask for the deed.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 10:57:07
  7. Liz_Mc2
    @kelly_instalove Oh, you’re reading that crazy book.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 11:02:52
  8. JanetNorCal
    @kelly_instalove Are you trying to get my goat? :D

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 11:04:11
  9. racblog
    @kelly_instalove oooh you’re reading the Susan Mallery book. Just wait, it gets better –or worse–

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 11:16:06
  10. kelly_instalove
    Oh dear god. I just now realized Goat Girl’s name is Heidi. She lives with her grandfather in the mountains.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 11:21:44
  11. kelly_instalove
    Heidi the Goat Girl wears her hair in two long braids. #ofcourseshedoes

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 12:25:21
  12. kelly_instalove
    This book is so full of logic fail I just can’t even… *sigh* BFF is a slutty librarian, so that’s a good sign for the next book.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 15:59:20
  13. I honestly cannot believe that no editor, copy editor or beta reader never asked the questions in my Kindle notes.
  14. Kaetrin67
    @kelly_instalove don’t even get me started… :D

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 17:05:08
  15. kelly_instalove
    Heroine’s ranch is menaced by feral cows. She wants to donate them to a zoo.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:04:21
  16. AnimeJune
    @kelly_instalove Can she donate them to a steakhouse instead?

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:04:46
  17. ann_somerville
    @kelly_instalove cos that’s what every zoo years for – a bunch of parasite ridden feral common domestic animals

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:06:08
  18. chotiari
    @kelly_instalove Uh. Feral cows. Zoo. How about donate them to the local coyotes? :P

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:06:16
  19. kelly_instalove
    Hero refuses to discuss youngest bro’s name because he’s a meth dealer. Just kidding. He’s an underwear model and movie butt double.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 18:40:22
  20. willaful
    @kelly_instalove Oh the horror of it all! I loved underwear model brother’s book, btw.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 18:42:20
  21. kelly_instalove
    @willaful Please tell me he hooks up with the Slutty Librarian. The Lady Firefighter would good too, I guess.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 18:49:14
  22. willaful
    @kelly_instalove Your second guess. Slutty librarian is book 2. I think she’s insufficiently slutty, though.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:28:26
  23. kelly_instalove
    @willaful I think maybe Horny Librarian is better tag since she isn’t actually getting any in this book.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:33:42
  24. kelly_instalove
    Hero suggests Goat Girl should market cheese to Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. FFS, people – she only has EIGHT GOATS.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:54:55
  25. jackiebarbosa
    @kelly_instalove I must know what you are reading. Goat Girl has me thinking puppets in The Sound of Music.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 19:58:10
  26. kelly_instalove
    @jackiebarbosa OK, now I’m giving YOU the stink-eye. BTW, I can sing that whole song – wanna hear? (Except high note at the end)

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 20:07:01
  27. kelly_instalove
    Hero’s mother’s next impulse puchase: Three llamas. From eBay. But it’s OK, because they’re guard llamas. You know – to protect the goats.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 20:39:42
  28. JanetNorCal
    @kelly_instalove You’ve got to be joking–guard llamas for the 8 busy goats?

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 20:41:38
  29. kelly_instalove
    @JanetNorCal Apparently, an angry llama could kick a coyote’s ass pretty soundly. Plus, they spit.

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 20:47:07
  30. ann_somerville
    @kelly_instalove um…goats are usually guard animals :)

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 20:54:39
  31. Kaetrin67
    @kelly_instalove llamas are used like shepherds here. Protect the sheep from foxes. One of the few accuracies in the story. @JanetNorCal

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 21:24:49
  32. sean__kennedy
    @kelly_instalove this sounds like the best book ever!

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 21:30:20
  33. kelly_instalove
    My next blog post will be titled “Fun Things I Have Learned While Googling WTFery in Bad Romance Novels.”

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 21:55:59
  34. kelly_instalove
    Next delivery truck contains an elephant. Hero: “Any chance that’s just a rental?”

    Fri, Aug 17 2012 22:16:48
  35. Evil sooper sekrit money-grubbing real estate development scheme + fake cave paintings = Big Misunderstanding. Big. HUGE.
  36. DabneyGrinnan
    @kelly_instalove This book is cracking me up just from your tweets!

    Sat, Aug 18 2012 08:59:25
  37. I honestly have NO idea how they finally got around to the HEA. I only remember thinking, “Did I really just read that?”
    Is this some kind of “Emperor’s New Clothes” alternate universe where editors and beta readers are afraid to say “Um, Author? You might want to rethink your basic premise, because it kinda makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever”?
    Or are we not supposed to ask those kind of questions?
Stupid Goats

What. The. Fuck. Really???

2 thoughts on “Tripleheader: Fool’s Gold Summer (x3) by Susan Mallery

  1. willaful says:

    Glad you enjoyed All Summer Long! Pretty bizzare how the series went from WTF to fabulous. This is why I have trouble giving up on authors.

  2. Des Livres says:

    Long time reader of Mallery but HATED Summer Days. Hated it. I hated this weird drivel where the heroine takes on the debt/criminal behaviour of the old guy – why is that acceptable?. I hated the hero’s attitude to … everything, despised his attitude to his brother…I found it an unreadable muddled mess. The characters were either selfish criminals, tstl women or really really unpleasant creeps.

    I am so glad the other books redeemed the series as well. Am planning to read the horse one again because I like the horse so much. (also, I must admit, the Dance of the Happy Virgin.)

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